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-   -   meeting resistance (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f94-waiting-to-try-to-conceive/2664161-meeting-resistance.html)

THE angry uterus July 7th, 2013 09:36 PM

meeting resistance
 
Anyone going to TTC despite knowing they will meet resistance from family? DH and I thought we were done with the last one, but I talked DH into JUST ONE MORE at an actual sway attempt for a girl. If we get a boy, then so be it, but I really wanted to actively TRY for a GIRL vs WANTING and HOPING for a girl. His parents only have grandsons, no granddaughters. My BIL is done having children, my SIL I believe is done having children, and we were supposed to be too, but I can't help it, I really want to give DH a daughter of his own.

My Mom I think is sick of having grand kids and I know will be upset if/when we announce we are PG again -although that wont stop us from TTC. His family wont say anything, but I already know they think we are done until DH let it slip to his sister we will be TTC again.

This will be #6 for me, #3 for DH. My older three live with their Dad - long story there, but I dont' feel like 3 is a bad number of children to have (or even six!). Anyone else expecting to meet resistance with a new baby on board?

ashj_1218 July 8th, 2013 07:30 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
We will from my in-laws. My MIL seems to think that no one should have more than two children. Especially if both are boys, since that is what she had and no one else should have anything different. Except it was acceptable for me to have a third, simply because it was "her" much-desired girl. According to her, we should stop now, there is no reason for another. Lol.

She is a character. But I don't give two hoots what the families think (my family, on the other hand, is no stranger to larger families and would welcome another pregnancy from me with open arms. In fact, I think most have always expected me to be one to have a larger family!).

It's frustrating when others get their opinions involved. Especially ones who are supposed to me supportive. I don't think three or six is really that many. I don't know what I think is "a lot" but I guess I think each family decides that for themselves. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to try for a daughter for your husband. I know we would have a preference for a girl next time if we didn't get one this time. And it would have been for the same reasons...my husband wanting a daughter (and me too, but your circumstances are slightly different). I hope they respond better than you expect when you announce a pregnancy :)

AtomicMama July 8th, 2013 09:35 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
I honestly don't know. It will be the first baby for me and DH, and the first planned baby for each of us. I think it depends on timing, I guess. I've posted a little about my brother/SIL, and I expect that if we get pregnant before them or very close to them, there will be some degree of negativity from my mom. I'm not sure how my dad will feel, I think he thinks we have our hands full now, but I'm sure he will be happy for us. He loves his grandkids and knows DH and I want kids of our own. As far as my ILs, I think they expect it from us before too long. DH told MIL I have baby fever already (his brother just had a baby last week, and I've been reslishing in holding her and swooning over her baby-ness :lol: ).

THE angry uterus July 8th, 2013 10:43 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
I think there will be a little less resistance if we started using childcare outside of family, but not sure how much. Currently we have both sets of parents watch the boys. The youngest has a lot of medical needs that we feel make it unsafe for him to be in care outside of family and we've explained that to them and they are more understanding, but still... My mom has been flaking out on watching the kids lately. I'm hoping that we can buy a moderate fixer upper in the early spring and have DH stay home or at least work part time so we wont need to do child care. I'm sure my Mom will still be peeved we are having another though.

irishblessing July 8th, 2013 11:15 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
Yes, my mom just flat out says two is enough ALL THE TIME. The other day she said if we have another one she won't even visit, will just look through the window. And how she won't babysit for them (though she hasn't babysat a lot anyhow) I think my dad thinks two is enough, but more just because he knows they are hard work and doesn't want me to get too worn out.

DH's mom isn't involved much at all either so I don't see why they would care one way or another.

But yeah :( I feel like my family would not be supportive of the idea or happy at first. Or maybe not ever LOL it's sad.

MommyBeth July 8th, 2013 04:25 PM

My MIL wants us to have another. My mom on the other has expressed her opinions to me and I frankly told her that my marriage didnt include her.

Urchin July 9th, 2013 02:39 PM

Re: meeting resistance
 
No resistance here (except from my employers, who are happy to hear I don't plan on TTC any time soon).

I have the opposite problem...all of my family keep wanting us to have the next one soon... blargh.

mom2pne July 10th, 2013 11:36 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
Yes I will be! When I told my MIL that I was m/cing just on Monday her response was, " Sh..! You're pregnant again?" No I am sorry for your loss or anything and she didn't even hear the m/c part.

HippieLove July 16th, 2013 07:21 PM

Re: meeting resistance
 
We probably will... I have 4, he has 2 so this will be our 7th all up BUT our first together. Something was mentioned at my daughters 1st Birthday in June about no more babies, which my Mum responded with there better be no more and I told her my uterus my choice :lol: She later asked me if I was being serious and I said I was, she thought I meant we were TTC now which would be completely stupid if were the case and therefore I'd understand her apprehension. Once I assured her that I have goals I need to complete first, she seemed to understand the yearn for a child with Loz and seemed fine with it. His family would be fine I'd think. His sister has 7 children with her husband and his other sister has 4, a step child, and I don't believe she's done yet.

Sawyers_Mommy July 16th, 2013 07:48 PM

Re: meeting resistance
 
Not from my family. Well my moms BIL always has something to say about stopping at one and how he should've (they have 4kids) which I think is sad. But no one else will. Maybe they think it and are good at hiding it, but I don't think they do.

DH's family on the other hand will. Unless we have a girl I know DH's parents won't be happy. When we told them DS1 was a boy MIL didn't say anything but "Are you serious?!" and not in a happy way either. Then when he told them we were pregnant with DS2 she didn't say anything about it the whole pregnancy. Not "when are you due" "How is everything going" "congrats", nada! She didn't even look at him, hold him or say any thing about him when they seen him at a couple of days old. FIL only said "I figured it'd happen soon" and DH's papaw constantly said "Yeah I bet its a girl." or "I sure hope its a girl that way you'll have one of each and can stop" and he's made comments to SIL saying "I told Travis he better not get her pregnant again" Uh yeah like its your business or choice! Ugh anyway didn't mean to get off on a rant, it just stirs me up when I get to talkin about it again. So yes I do think some of DH's family will have a problem with it. The only reason MIL will be happy is if it's a girl (she has 3 grandsons) and if she all the sudden acts like she cares about that one (if it was a girl) then I will sure as heck be saying something to her.

THE angry uterus July 17th, 2013 04:04 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
I think I would definitely feel better telling everyone that we will be having one more once the child care situation is taken care of. When we have the last one, Oliver will be in kindergarden, George will have outgrown a lot of his allergies (I hope!), and hopefully we can rely less on family. I'd like to not rely on them at all, but I don't think that will happen. Its going to be hard finding child care for George for one long day a week. :(

LUSHaye July 17th, 2013 07:38 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
I'm expecting a fair bit of resistance from my family. His family is so supportive it's a little...odd to me. But it's nice, too.
I really only know for sure that I'll have issues with my mom and one of my aunts, simply because they just flat out don't want me having kids. Ever. It would be a nice surprise if my mom ended up being the most supportive. Pretty sure everyone else would be fine, especially my grandparents. They have a celebration for the grandkids and great-grandkids.
I'm one of the last of my in-state cousins that has yet to have a baby. Most have had at least two. So my family is no stranger to babies. We're pretty numerous.

hazeleyes July 17th, 2013 10:07 AM

Re: meeting resistance
 
We are meeting resistance for waiting. My parents have no grandkids and my MIL only has step grandkids, so both sides are pissed we are waiting. Unless they want to drop $15K to get us 100% out of debt they can just wait.

ashj_1218 July 17th, 2013 06:20 PM

Re: meeting resistance
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sawyers_Mommy (Post 27523851)
DH's family on the other hand will. Unless we have a girl I know DH's parents won't be happy. When we told them DS1 was a boy MIL didn't say anything but "Are you serious?!" and not in a happy way either. Then when he told them we were pregnant with DS2 she didn't say anything about it the whole pregnancy. Not "when are you due" "How is everything going" "congrats", nada! She didn't even look at him, hold him or say any thing about him when they seen him at a couple of days old. FIL only said "I figured it'd happen soon" and DH's papaw constantly said "Yeah I bet its a girl." or "I sure hope its a girl that way you'll have one of each and can stop" and he's made comments to SIL saying "I told Travis he better not get her pregnant again" Uh yeah like its your business or choice! Ugh anyway didn't mean to get off on a rant, it just stirs me up when I get to talkin about it again. So yes I do think some of DH's family will have a problem with it. The only reason MIL will be happy is if it's a girl (she has 3 grandsons) and if she all the sudden acts like she cares about that one (if it was a girl) then I will sure as heck be saying something to her.

I thought I was going to deal with this from my MIL. She made it very, very clear that she wanted a granddaughter and was totally apathetic to my pregnancies with the boys and after they were born. She was constantly going on and on about how she wanted a daughter and now she wasn't even getting a granddaughter (Dhs brother isn't having kids yet). So I was a bit worried about us having a girl and how she would react/treat her. Turns out...she just is apathetic toward kids period. She hasn't paid any more attention to Jo than either of the boys (which is minimal at best). In fact, I heard from her sister (who hates her), that what she said when she found out were having a girl was "Oh geez, I don't have money for a girl right now." Whaaaaa? And then she showed no more interest in her at birth or now. So perhaps it won't be as bad as you think. I was surprised, but then again, my MIL is a hateful creature and I guess it shouldn't shock me that she finds negative things to say about getting her "lifelong dream."


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