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-   -   Is this wrong of me? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f73-working-mommies/2467196-wrong-me.html)

Kody December 27th, 2011 08:13 AM

Is this wrong of me?
 
My sister is pregnant with her first baby and was actually due yesterday Dec 26th. I text her yesterday to remind her to call me and let me know what the doctor said because she has an appt that morning. In her response, she told me that she would let me know when she went into labor or was scheduled an induction, but that I didn't need to go to the hospital and was welcome to come after the baby was born. I was kinda surprised because I had planned to go to the hospital and at least wait in the waiting room, but from her text it appeared that she didn't even want me to do that. I was very hurt and I told her that I didn't think that was right, that I'm her sister not some casual aquaintance and that I should at least be welcome to come to the hospital and wait if she wasn't comfortable having me in the room during labor. I already knew she didn't want me in there when she pushed, but I am shocked that I'm not welcome to come in the waiting room. I have had four children and never once told my sister that she couldn't come to the hospital, in fact she was in the room with me with my 3rd and 4th VG deliveries. I know she is not me and that her preferences are different, but I think it's crappy she doesn't want me there, period. I'm pretty upset with her and having a hard time telling myself it's her right, her choice...even though I made the same choices four times in four deliveries.

lovemyboysandabbey2 December 27th, 2011 08:31 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
(((hugs))) I'm sorry hun....

mommy2Breana+Brandon December 27th, 2011 09:37 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
I am sorry hun.

:grouphug:

Congrats to your sister.

-erin- December 27th, 2011 04:32 PM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
I'm sorry you guys have different opinions and that she doesn't want you there...

but I didn't want anyone waiting at the hospital while I was in labor. I was induced over a week after my due date, but we told everyone long before that that we'd call them and let them know when the baby was born, but we didn't want them there waiting. For one, you never know how long it will take and I just don't like the idea of people waiting on/for me. Plus, after the baby is born I'd like some time just with my little family. Everyone ended up coming the night she was born. She was born at 3:30, we had her for a little bit then she had to go to the nursery to get checked out for some complications. Both our moms were at the hospital by the time we got her back and our sisters and FIL got there that night too, I think. If I did it again, I'd not let them come until the next morning. I didn't start nursing as soon as I should have and stuff because of all the people. Plus I felt like too much was going on and still like I should be "entertaining" in some way. I'm also very introverted and sometimes having people around just drains me of energy.

I know your situation and relationship might be different, but I thought I'd offer my perspective since we didn't want family there until after.

Kody December 28th, 2011 03:52 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -erin- (Post 25383734)
I'm sorry you guys have different opinions and that she doesn't want you there...

but I didn't want anyone waiting at the hospital while I was in labor. I was induced over a week after my due date, but we told everyone long before that that we'd call them and let them know when the baby was born, but we didn't want them there waiting. For one, you never know how long it will take and I just don't like the idea of people waiting on/for me. Plus, after the baby is born I'd like some time just with my little family. Everyone ended up coming the night she was born. She was born at 3:30, we had her for a little bit then she had to go to the nursery to get checked out for some complications. Both our moms were at the hospital by the time we got her back and our sisters and FIL got there that night too, I think. If I did it again, I'd not let them come until the next morning. I didn't start nursing as soon as I should have and stuff because of all the people. Plus I felt like too much was going on and still like I should be "entertaining" in some way. I'm also very introverted and sometimes having people around just drains me of energy.

I know your situation and relationship might be different, but I thought I'd offer my perspective since we didn't want family there until after.

I think my sister feels like people waiting is silly because it could take hours upon hours. But, I don't mind waiting...this is my little sister and my first ever niece (no nephews either). I don't want to be up there to be entertained or to get in her way of labor. I just want to be there. HOWEVER, I understand your point of view and I am trying to put myself into that situation. It's hard because I want to see the baby when she is born, I don't want to have to wedge my way in between friends when I am family and I want to be there for the moment my sister becomes a mom. I guess I need to put my feelings aside, it's the right thing to do...but it's hard. My sister was either in the room when I delivered or in the waiting room when I delivered...I don't know...it just stinks.:(

Bella Nyxe December 28th, 2011 07:51 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
idk, maybe she just thinks she is trying to be helpful to you. that is my guess. but no offense to your sister, but i think id feel the same as you are now. yourfeelings ae very valid as are your sisters. maybe you could talk it out after her appointment (thats if she isent going into a labour) imsorry there is a situatuion. :hug:

Kristin32 December 28th, 2011 11:18 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
I understand how you must be feeling. I'd feel the same way. Even though it doesn't make sense, I would just try to accept it and not let it bother you too much. If that's the way she wants it, it's probably just best to let it be. Hopefully you'll get lots of time to spend with you new niece after she's born.

pumpkinpie24 December 28th, 2011 11:20 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kody (Post 25385096)
I think my sister feels like people waiting is silly because it could take hours upon hours. But, I don't mind waiting...this is my little sister and my first ever niece (no nephews either). I don't want to be up there to be entertained or to get in her way of labor. I just want to be there. HOWEVER, I understand your point of view and I am trying to put myself into that situation. It's hard because I want to see the baby when she is born, I don't want to have to wedge my way in between friends when I am family and I want to be there for the moment my sister becomes a mom. I guess I need to put my feelings aside, it's the right thing to do...but it's hard. My sister was either in the room when I delivered or in the waiting room when I delivered...I don't know...it just stinks.:(

I think everyone has great points here...I understand you being upset, but also remember this is her baby and she has the right to make her own birth plan. I would agree that she doesn't think you're "not welcome," just that she doesn't want to inconvenience you if it's a long wait.

If you have time, you might request of her what you addressed above--that you get a "first look" at your niece before her friends.

Kody December 29th, 2011 04:05 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
** Update **

My sister called me yesterday afternoon and told me that I misunderstood what she was saying and that I am welcome to come to the hospital and wait, or be in the room until it's time to push. I told her that that made me feel wonderful, but that I would respect her wishes if she really didn't want me there. In the end we agreed that I would come to the hospital, sit with her and if she ever got uncomfortable I will leave.

hkystar December 29th, 2011 04:57 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Glad you talked to her and got it worked out =)

mommy2Breana+Brandon December 29th, 2011 06:22 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Glad you got things worked out.

pumpkinpie24 December 29th, 2011 07:49 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kody (Post 25389525)
** Update **

My sister called me yesterday afternoon and told me that I misunderstood what she was saying and that I am welcome to come to the hospital and wait, or be in the room until it's time to push. I told her that that made me feel wonderful, but that I would respect her wishes if she really didn't want me there. In the end we agreed that I would come to the hospital, sit with her and if she ever got uncomfortable I will leave.

Yay!!

Kristin32 December 29th, 2011 11:13 AM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Glad to hear that!

Jule'sMomInOR January 4th, 2012 12:17 PM

Re: Is this wrong of me?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by -erin- (Post 25383734)
I'm sorry you guys have different opinions and that she doesn't want you there...

but I didn't want anyone waiting at the hospital while I was in labor. I was induced over a week after my due date, but we told everyone long before that that we'd call them and let them know when the baby was born, but we didn't want them there waiting. For one, you never know how long it will take and I just don't like the idea of people waiting on/for me. Plus, after the baby is born I'd like some time just with my little family. Everyone ended up coming the night she was born. She was born at 3:30, we had her for a little bit then she had to go to the nursery to get checked out for some complications. Both our moms were at the hospital by the time we got her back and our sisters and FIL got there that night too, I think. If I did it again, I'd not let them come until the next morning. I didn't start nursing as soon as I should have and stuff because of all the people. Plus I felt like too much was going on and still like I should be "entertaining" in some way. I'm also very introverted and sometimes having people around just drains me of energy.

I know your situation and relationship might be different, but I thought I'd offer my perspective since we didn't want family there until after.

Ditto this. I didn't want my mom or anyone there except DH. I think it's just a personal preference thing and you should try not to be offended. She really doesn't need you upset with her at a time like this.


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