The Family Feud: When you are ready to start a family and he is not - Page 2

The battle of “the why's”.


If you have had a discussion with your partner about having children you have most likely encountered the battle of “the whys”. You say, “Why don’t you want to have a child?” He says, “Why should we have a child?” Invariably, you will not be able to come up with a valid reason why he should have a child and he will be able to come up with many reasons why he should not. This strategy generally doesn’t work. Having children is not a simple decision based on logic and reasoning, but rather, a choice that is made from the heart and soul. It is hard to logically sway someone into having feelings they don’t have.

Not trying, not preventing.

Some couples find the not trying but not preventing method is a fair compromise. If your partner is not ready to “try” to have a baby he may be open to the idea of not trying but not preventing. Make sure that you communicate this with your partner first. He may feel less anxiety if he does not feel that he is obligated to commit to trying to conceive. Many couples choose to casually try to conceive rather than actively try to get pregnant.

Focus on your relationship first.

The baby battle can put tremendous strain on a relationship. Constant fighting is never good for a relationship. Obsessing over this or trying to force your partner to change his feelings is not only ineffective but it may damage your relationship. If you find that you are constantly fighting about this, take a break. Try focusing on the positives of your relationship. Work on strengthening your friendship and communication. Put the subject on the back burner for a while.

Talk to a counselor or minister.

If having a child is causing a marital crisis, consider talking to a counselor. Counseling can help couples work through difficult issues. It is not a cure all and it may not make your partner change his mind, but it is a good place to talk things out.

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