Helping a Friend Through a Miscarriage

When you have a friend that has had a miscarriage there is a lot you can do to help her. Many times we are afraid to say anything because we don’t want to say the wrong thing but not saying anything at all can be just as bad. So what should you say and what shouldn’t you say. I have had three miscarriages myself and have heard a lot of things that were just not the right things to say. I have put together a list of things you can say and things you probably shouldn’t. Please be gentle with your friends that are coping with miscarriage. They need your support. 

Things you should say.

  • Do call her and tell her you are sorry for her loss.
  • Do send her a card or flowers to show you care
  • Do let her talk as much as she needs to or wants to.
  • Do give her a hug to let her know you care.
  • Do offer to help with housework, babysitting or other things that she may not feel up to doing.
  • Do acknowledge her baby.
  • It is okay to say I don’t know what to say or I don’t know how to help.
  • Do call and check up on her. The pain does not go away in a couple days.
  • Give her extra attention. She needs to feel like other people care about what she is going through.
  • Do ask if she wants to talk about it. 

Things you should not say.

  • It was probably for the best. 
  • At least it happened early in the pregnancy before you really got attached.
  • It was God’s will
  • I understand how you feel. Even if you have had more than one miscarriage, you may not know how she is feeling.
  • It was only one miscarriage.
  • I know a friend that had such and such miscarriages and she has children now.
  • It was nature’s way of getting rid of defective chromosomes.
  • At least you have one child
  • I don’t understand why you are so upset.
  • Maybe you should consider adoption, not having children. 
  • Don’t not talk about it. Don’t avoid her.
  • Don’t try to cheer her up. She probably doesn’t want to be cheered up and by doing this you are not acknowledging her pain.
  • It may be difficult for her to be around children or pregnant women. Be understanding and sympathetic. But don’t avoid being around her if you are pregnant or have children.
  • Do share your experience but this is not the time to go on about how bad things were for you. She needs your support.
  • If she does get pregnant again, don’t dismiss her anxiety by saying things like lots of women have spotting, cramping, etc. Be optimistic but acknowledge her fears.

No votes yet


By RebekahTanaka on 06/16/13 at 10:47 pm

I also recommend the PREGNANCY MIRACLE METHOD to get pregnant fast and naturally!

By BrandyNicole10 on 06/03/11 at 10:15 pm

I had a miscarriage April 13th 2011 and a D&C April 17th 2011. Before my miscarriage I had two good pregnancies and have two wonderful boys. I fight  ...

By AngelBaby10-07-07 on 12/17/10 at 8:22 am

I had a miscarriage 3 years ago & it still hurts every day. I am only 22 years old and have not been able to get pregnant again. It's hard and you f  ...

7 comments so far » read more

Sign in to leave a comment!


From the Message Boards

Due Date Club of September 2014

Today is my 40th Birthday - eek!

Living every woman's dream, turning 40 and 9 months pregnant :eek: I guess I could let my emotions...

Due Date Club of September 2014

37 wk appt yesterday

And it was not what I was prepared for. I was positive for gbs and they want me to have a dose of an...

Trying to Conceive

Update on me - Cycle 10

Hey all. I've been more lurking lately, but I respond if I have anything useful to add. Just been ki...

AIP Peestick Gallery


Hey guys i am new to this bothis this with fmu this am. Af duetomorrowr...

Trying to Conceive

Ovulation test question

Hello! I just took my ovulation test for the day and the edge of the test line is def positive but d...

» Check out the friendliest message board for moms and moms-to-be!