I have been following Nadya Suleman’s story, otherwise known as the octomom, since it came out. I knew from day one that something wasn’t right with her story because of how vague her doctors were about what kind of treatment she received to get pregnant with so many babies. At first I thought she went out of the country for treatment or self medicated. I was a little shocked when I heard that she had an American doctor. As I watched and followed the story, I couldn’t help but think about myself.
My husband and I have four kids and we have been trying for baby number five since August 07. I had my second ectopic pregnancy in November 07 and lost twins and my right fallopian tube at that time. Ever since then I have been wanting another baby, partly because I came from a large family and always wanted a large family of my own, but also because I wanted to replace the twins I lost. My sister and I are twins so I think that may be part of the reasons that I felt such grief when I had my loss in November.
Everyone at JM has always been super supportive of me having another baby even though I already had four kids. Because we have been trying for over a year and I have watched other “one tube wonders” as I like to call them not get pregnant on their own, I finally decided to call and schedule an appointment with a fertility doc. Then came the octomom story and all of a sudden my thoughts about having another baby changed. I kept thinking to myself I don’t want to be the octomom. I know it’s a little absurd to think that, but all I could think about was what if I go and get help getting pregnant and all my eggs multiply. I couldn’t get that picture out of my head. I am a twin so the thought of eggs splitting doesn’t seem that crazy to me.
I also started to question myself in a way I have never really done before. Why do I want another baby and would my life be complete without another one? I am very blessed and love all my children. I don’t regret having a single one of them.
I finally realized that I am not the same person I was a year ago. When I decided I wanted another baby, I was 34 and it hadn’t been that long since I had Lyndsey. I had the most incredible birth experience with her and as soon as I gave birth to her, I knew I wanted to experience that again. That was my thinking when I started this whole process of trying to conceive anyway.
I also came from a large family so to me having a lot of kids is normal. I have lots of brothers and sisters, well actually only one sister, but I always identified with large families more so than smaller ones. Someone once said to me, “you just can’t love more than two kids” and that stuck with me. I didn’t want to think like that and I know for a fact that I love all my kids. I have never wanted to make my decisions on what sized family I had based on what other people think.
So this brings me back to the octomom. Was the octomom’s story making me second guess my own feelings about having another baby or was I her! Was I addicted to having babies? I don’t really think I am the octomom or addicted to having babies but her story did change my perspective. I cancelled my appointment with the fertility doctor. My husband and I are not quitting on trying to have another baby but we are taking a step back. We are not trying to conceive any longer but instead we are taking life as it comes to us. If we have another baby, then I will consider him or her another blessing in my life but if not, well I am already so blessed and the octomom has made me realize that.