And then she said ‘I think I’ve done all I can do for you’

So, that was an interesting trip to the doctors. She’s so lovely, so upbeat, so wanting it all to go right. But it’s not. I’m not like her other patient who, after struggling for 6 months to conceive (HA!), has suddenly fallen pregnant after borrowing the practice copy of ‘Making Babies’. HOLY CRAP, THERE’S A MANUAL FOR THIS?

And of course, I took the book too. Because if all it takes is for me to read the manual, then I will read the manual until the words are too tired from being read.

I’ve come out with instructions to get a 21-day blood test done (again? we’ve been through this before) to see if I have ovulated after this strange bleed. She made me do a pregnancy test in the practice, just to make sure. And I’m really not kidding that her nose was just 5 cm from my pee as she inspected the test. I was waiting for her to take the test apart and put it under a spot light. Please, tell me you’ve done that too.

She asked when we started trying for a family (May, 2007) and when I first fell pregnant (18 months later in November 2008) and remarked that I already had two miscarriages (I know). And then she said that it might be time to refer me to a specialist. She was all ready to make the appointment, but I deferred and said I would talk to David first. After all, he’s 50% of this whole idea.

Part of me wants to run to the specialist because they are special. And doesn’t that mean they’ll fix….whatever is wrong?

And the logical part of me won’t shut up says that I need to talk to David. Figure this out so that it makes sense and we get what WE want.

It is David’s birthday today. I will not raise this subject today. I will instead seduce my man with crazy love and not think about the conversation that needs to come. Today is about David and celebrating him. And that is worth putting things on hold for just 24 hours more.

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