I should have known this would happen. What started with 5 days of back aches, cramping and very slight spotting and progressed into 5 days of worse back aches and bleeding, and then progressed to 5 days of light cramping and spotting has ended with me calling the doctors for an appointment to figure out what is going on.
That might be stretching the truth a bit…there’s a little cramping going on but I can’t tell if it’s because I have been made crazy and am now just making things up or if it’s actually happening. By the time I present myself to the doctors there will be nothing to speak of, of this I am sure.
I am so confused as to what is happening. There is a half of me that wants to get the doctors to put on their mining light, go deep and figure out what the gremlins are doing. And then there is the half of me that is preaching that there is NOTHING going on, might as well get down to it and have another go at making a baby this month. And I think the second half is so loud because the first half is so scared of something really scary going on.
I have been relatively lucky with my health. I’ve (touch wood) never had surgery, fractured a bone just once, and never been in hospital overnight. And now I fear that my luck is coming to an end and that all my exercise, healthy eating and lack of overuse on drugs (alcohol doesn’t count here, k?) is all for naught. I can thank my mother for the worse-case-scenario-ness of my thoughts; genes must count for something here. But, if I prepare for the worse and hope for the best doesn’t’ that mean that I’m being realistic?
And just as I write that last paragraph, the cramping returns. You’re my witness, you don’t mind if I ask you to substantiate my craziness with the doctor do you?