I’m not sure where the shift started, but over the past few months, I’ve moved from fearing Danny’s future to embracing it. Maybe he will always need support. Maybe he will not be able to do all the things we hope for our children. But he’s just such an incredible kid that I can’t help loving who and how he is. I think part of it has been moving away from therapy; now that I’m not ensconced in it, being reminding multiple times a week of Danny’s shortcomings, I can shake it off and celebrate the good. He has been opening up, though, too, and I’m getting glimpses of how he sees the world.
It’s pretty awesome.
I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. John is over the moon, because after 3 years, he’s finally hearing magic. “Ah-ee!” No, there’s no /d/ to be found, but it’s daddy all the same. He repeats it, and sometimes, he says it on his own. He’s slowly figuring out the world around him, in his own way, and trying to discover how to make things right. If I stop pushing him on the swings, he’ll reach around and try to push himself. If I give him a Pop Tart and that’s not what he wants to eat for breakfast, he’ll put it away in the fridge, because that’s where food goes. If he has anything that isn’t food that he wants to get rid of, though, it goes in the sink, because he knows that’s where his cups go and shouldn’t everything else, too?
He was delighted the other day in Costco, because the cart is on an angle, and the gallon of milk in there with him kept sliding down when he pushed it up to the higher end.
He closes his own door on the car, and if it fails to close completely, he will stand in the garage pushing on it until someone finally comes to help him get it the rest of the way closed.
It’s such a neat world this kid lives in.
I think, if there’s one gift above the others that I’ve been given with CMV, it’s the ability to appreciate every little tiny thing. Eric amazes me constantly doing things that are just so normal. Danny moves me to tears doing the tiniest things. Other people’s kids, too, I just marvel at. We went to the zoo with friends, and I got to spend some time showing a two year old the penguins. Every little utterance she made amazed me and gave me such joy, from the “bub bub” for bubbles in the water to a gleeful “ah keh!” dubbing me Aunt Kelly.
Kids are amazing. I don’t think I realized it before. I thought I did…but I didn’t.