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July 10th, 2008, 09:01 PM
VirgoMomToBe VirgoMomToBe is offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 96
Hello, I just wanted to briefly share my experience.
First off, getting pregnant with our first took a little more than a year. I had tried everything from standing on my head and then finally gave up on trying anything except some frangellico, soon enough Julio was conceived and was born very healthy the day after labour day on Sept. 2006.

Baby S. was with us for 11 weeks. At week 9 I had an ultrasound. I had just told the technician prouldly that "my work was done" as if I was on some sort of a mission before age 34 to get my children born. And really I was. She did the ultrasound, and then left the room. She came back with an older gentleman and a young woman. He came to me and told me the bad news, "there was no heartbeat", i told him "I felt that i knew something was wrong" and he said "its interesting how we as mothers have this innate knowledge". I think back that I only sad that because first off I was devastated at this point, and recieving condolences from a technician I never knew really felt even more so devastating.

I drove home that day, alone and very sad. I don't even know how I got home. I cried for weeks for this loss and when my sister called me to wish me a Happy New Years for 2008 I was just like "happy new year, what the hell is so happy about it". I chose to be strong with my miscarriage. I chose to do it naturally and did not go for a D & C with the hopes that maybe the doctor was just wrong. Maybe they had missed the heartbeat afterall.

On January 2, 2008, our angel baby left our side. It was about two weeks since I knew that this waould happen. My doctor perscribed tylenol 3 for pain the two weeks prior as she supported my decision to do this naturally. When it finally happened I ended up in the emerg. with heavy hemorraging. I was put on oxygen and told I could need a blood transfusuion. That nite I had an emergency D & C, and woke up facing a momma polar bear with her two cubs picture so I gave our little angel baby a name: White bear. I thought that was a good sign. The next day I went home and was so relieved to be home and to feel the support of friends, my husband and our son who was only 15 mos. at the time. For the next few months I was pretty emotional, thank goodness my husband never left my side because I was somewhat of a wreck. The physical draining side of the m/c was intense, and then the emotional grief I found to be intense. There were times I felt I needed to talk more to someone and it was my doctor who experienced two m/c who really was my wise woman counsel and who offered just that support by listening to me as a woman and by sharing her experiences.

I just wanted to say no one can prepare you for the grief you feel after m/c. I also want to say that many people will say really inappropriate and insensitive things and you just have to let it all go. The reality is that many people just don't have a value for life the way we that have walked with our angels have. At least that's what I think. I know that I had to honour this spirit baby as a part of me and as a family member. We will never know why this happens, but can just be honoured in knowing we had that short special time with our little ones, and to keep positive for the ones who will be in our arms. In her honour, we planted a lavender bush along with a tree for our son who is nearly two. We planted these the day after Summer Soltice this year. I chose a place by a creek and beside rose bushes and deer tracks were seen. In my heart this was an honourable place, in the bush, a sacred little place..

I am now pregnant again, and just taking each day by day. I am praying more and thinking positive thoughts. This baby will be due around March 5 so I am just hopeful. They do say you are most fertile in the year after you have been pregnant so I was thinking about us who m/c, well we were pregnant so we must still be fertile. I feel very blessed right now, a little afraid but mostly humbled.
<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">Mom to Julio Xavier, September 5, 2006
Mom to Angel Baby Sophia, January 2, 2008
Expecting baby sister or brother for Julio,: March 11, 2009

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