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July 29th, 2008, 10:19 PM
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ShannonMVT ShannonMVT is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 10,874
Brandi I am so sorry. Sometimes (to me) it seems like everyone else and their Dh are do just fine and dandy after a loss and it depresses me at times because that's not my reality. To be honest, I don't think it is with many people, whether they can talk about or not.

It's hard when so many people say "oh my loss brought Dh and I closer together" and I feel sad that I don't really think I can say that.

I have had shouting matches with my Dh over everything we've through. I still don't think he responds to me and my grief "correctly". As much as it stinks, I've found that I need to do most of my venting/crying with my other IRL support or my JM girls. Dh just doesn't get it.

#1 He doesn't have as much invested emotionally in having kids as I do.
#2 He (like yours) thinks I need to move on and not think about "what might have been".

Men process and deal with things SO DIFFERERENTLY and I really think that for the average couple, the woman wants to have children much more than the man. They have even done studies on couples with infertility, and the average woman said it was the hardest thing she had ever gone through, while the men simply said it was something hard, but not *that* bad.

I agree with the pp that you are having to deal with two VERY hard things, loss and infertility. Sometimes I feel like I have gotten the short end of the stick one two many times and I'm sure you do too.

I hope you and Dh are able to work things out soon. Maybe seeing a counselor together who specializes in infertility would be helpful?

Sending you tons and tons of I hope things get better for you soon. You deserve better from life.

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