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March 4th, 2005, 11:07 AM
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oicyur oicyur is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Utah
Posts: 3,979
I don't think I'm pregnant, but the area around my uterus feels a little fuller. I'm probably just imagining it, though. I've been trying to get pregnant for 7 mths now with no luck. I'm a little discouraged about it and I feel really alone right now. I've wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember. I think being a mom is the greatest thing you can ever do with your life and I can't express how much I desire to be a mom! I know 7 mths isn't that long of a time, but there have just been too many teases along the way, and the time period gets prolonged when I'm unconciously counting down the days to my period each month! I was on birth control pills for the first month of my marriage and when I went off of them I experienced almost every symptom of pregnancy. I wasn't educated at that point so I did some research and found out that those symptoms were real pregnancy symptoms. Well, a few weeks later I started my period and my doctor told me that those were just side-affects from going off the pill. What a let down! A few months later I started getting bloated, felt naseaus, and went to the bathroom about every other hour. Once again my hopes made me believe that I may be pregnant. I took a test when my period was a week late (I'm anxious) and it was negative. A few days later I experienced the worst pain of my life! After going to the doctor I was informed that I had a cyst rupture. What hell! On top of the immense diappointment it was the worst pain I've ever felt! It's now been 3 1/2 mths since then and I haven't lost hope, but I've continued my fantasies about "maybe this month". I guess what makes this all the more scary for me is that my sister had Policystic something or other and couldn't conceive for 8 years! I've watched her go through the devistation and it scares me to death that I could go through that! The doctor won't do any fertility tests or anything until we've tried for at least a year, and after my cyst ruptured I didn't have any follow ups, ore ultra sounds to see if there are more cysts. We're too poor to pay for doctor bills and too rich to qualify for Medicaid. So I'm left in the dark about what's going on inside my body.
I have faith that I will someday be a mom but I'm just feeling a little discouraged and scared right now. It's hard when you want something so bad and you're so uneducated about what's going on in your body. I don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish by writing all of this. I guess it's just nice to vent, and especially on this type of a forum. Thanks for your understanding eyes.
Mom to Keira (6), Garrett (5), Libby (3), and William (8-29-12)
"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."
- Thomas Jefferson
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