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January 24th, 2009, 04:53 PM
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Location: Anaheim, CA
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In 2001 I found out I was pg, despite being on birth control. 33 weeks and I had my first child, David. My miracle. he came home with me. I wanted close in age siblings so we started trying when he was 6 months old. Just a few days before his 1st brithday I got a positive pregnancy test. I didn't believe it, I had had so many negatives by that time I was shocked to see a positive. So I kept testing, 3 times a day for 4 days. I didn't test on my son's birthday, I knew I had a baby growing and I was thrilled. But I didn't tell anyone, except a few online friends because I wanted my son's 1st birthday to be his. The next morning, I woke up to find I was bleeding. I went to the ER and they had me sitting in the waiting room for 5 hours. Waiting, waiting, tears running down my face. I knew then as sure as anything I've ever known that I had lost my sweet Carrick. After 4-1/2 hours in the waiting room, I went to the bathroom and I passed "tissue" and I knew it was my baby. I went and got the nurse who finally got me a room and retrieved this "tissue" to be checked by the doctor. I was in hysterics and they had to give me something to calm me. Then in 2005 I found out I was pregnant again. I was scared I would lose that baby too or that my little one would be early again (like David had been). Most of the pregnancy went by with no complication and then I had preterm labor. I was terrified. Thankful the wonderful hospital I went to was able to stop labor and sent me home to rest until Melanie came. She was born at 38 weeks and was healthy. She is my daredevil. In August 2006 I found I was pregnant again, and then I started to cramp. I knew right then but having no one home and no car, and 2 young children I stayed home in bed until someone could watch them and take me to the hospital. I lost the baby, who I later named Rian. In April 07 I was again expecting. I was once again scared but chose to remain optimistic. I believed right from the beginning it was a girl. Then we went in for my first appointment. No heartbeat. Doctor says maybe too soon to tell, so did measurements. 6 weeks. Told come back in 2 weeks. Did. No heartbeat. Measuring slightly bigger. So the doctor told me to come back in a few days. No heartbeat, measuring 6 weeks. I had to schedule a D&C. They sent me for labs and told me I would have my D&C on Monday. It was Thursday. I don't even know how I made it through those days. I chose to name her Faith. When I found I was pg with Joey I was terrified. I didn't tell my family for a while because I was afraid I'd lose him and didn't want to explain it all again. I decided if I lost him I was done trying, there would be no more, and if I didn't lose him, we were done as well. I couldn't do it anymore. I walked on eggshells the whole time, scared something was wrong, scared there wouldn't be a heartbeat, scared he would come too early. he was 3 days late and seemed perfectly healthy. We named him Joseph Lee Howard B. All strong names, all somewhere in the family. My FIL said Joey would be his replacement someday...
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