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September 23rd, 2009, 12:37 PM
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katinagj katinagj is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,824
Glad to see my journal is still here. Well after 7 months of TTC#1 we finally got pregnant. I found out today that I miscarried. I named the baby Ethan because even though he wasn't born I feel he deserves a name regardless. He still has a soul and I know I will meet him in heaven. God has kept me strong this week. Its has been very hard as I've been by myself for most of the week left to my own thoughts. DH is trying to get the day off tomorrow and we are going to go to the fair and go on rides and try to have some fun and celebrate the life that our baby did have. I am sad that I never got to meet him or see his personality or watch him grow but I know God is caring for him in heaven and that he is in a better place and that gives me strength. Strangly enough the name Ethan means "strong". The name stuck in my head on Sunday when I first thought I was having a miscarriage. I think God gave me the name to cope. I had never even considered the name before. I think it fits. He definitely gave me strength and this has brought me closer to God. I am hopeful that we will get pregnant again. No matter what the timing I know God's timing is the right timing. And the fact that I miscarried means that there was something wrong with the baby and I didn't want him to be in pain so I'm glad God has taken him home. I hope to see him again one day when I go to heaven. Who knows maybe he was actually a girl. But I do feel in my heart that he was a boy! Very strange. But I guess the mother always knows. I do still consider myself a mother even if I didn't get the chance to meet him, I cared for him when he was in my womb. At least now I know, if I can get through this I can get through anything...

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