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September 26th, 2009, 02:51 PM
aerisa aerisa is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 17
I have been Jewish for as long as I can remember. In fact, way long before that as well. Both of my parents are/were Jews - essentially I come from a long line of Jews.
Growing up in Lutheranville USA, I found myself to be the only Jew in the classroom growing up. While it was special, I did long for the things my counterparts participated in, but my mom always kept our house decked up in lights. I went to a Catholic school for two years while in Middle and High school - in which yet again, I was the only person who really didn't participate in communion but I did go to the masses because I found them entertaining. In fact, I played the violin next to Sister LaVonne during most Fridays. While, I never felt a connection to Catholicism and other Christian based religions, I felt as though I could follow along in the masses, understand what the moral of the stories were, and enjoyed the music and traditions.
I enjoyed the music and traditions of the Jewish services as well - but never understood them due to the language barrier. My dad religiously (ironically) went to services on the weekends, where as my mom never did - my brothers and I went to Sunday school and had our Bar/Bat Mitzvah's through the ame syagogue. Once we had officially become "adults" we were given the option to whether or not to go with dad or do as we pleased. We always went to services on the high holidays and such as a family growing up.
Fast forward to present day. I married a man who was not Jewish in fact, he was Pentecostal. Well he isn't Pentecostal but his family was. He has considered converting but I have told him time and time again, that I do not want to be his influence to convert - that is something that he needs to decide for himself. Since going to college, and working and living in very un-Jewish areas, I have found even more so a disconnect from religion in general. It does bother me. I feel like I could attend a mass and while deep in my heart not have a belief in the scriptures, at the very least I could understand what the point of the story was. Now here it is, the high holiday time of year, after a whirlwind of places we've lived we are back at the synagogue that I was Bat Mitzvah'ed at.
And, I have absolutely no desire to go - in fact I have a desire not to go. I'm not sure where this is coming from. I could never be any other religion than Jewish, but I feel like I have no clue when it comes to what it means to be Jewish.
Has anyone else had these sort of feelings? What did you do in order to regain your faith?
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