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December 17th, 2009, 05:54 PM
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Leffew Leffew is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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I may have to come back a few times to finish this... it may get quite long and I have little ones as well as dinner in the making.

My story begins back in 1998. I was 17 and engaged to my HS sweetie. I was young, but wise beyond my years. I knew I wanted children and I wanted them young. My ex wanted children soon too, as he was 26. Well, for a year and a half we tried. I used OPKs and timed my cycles as best I could. This was before I was introduced to the WWW and what doctor/OB in their right mind would help a 17 year old get pregnant?! Nothing worked. We chalked it up to the fact that he was the problem because he worked with heat. It caused a lot of problems in our relationship because we both longed for children. My BFF was fertile myrtle and apparently they had an affair and surprise, the problem was not him. Needless to say, she was no longer my BFF and I was no longer married. 29 days after my divorce was final, I had a laproscopy and what the OB found was advanced endometriosis, adhesions on my tubes that were blocking eggs from going into my uterus or sperm to pass through to even fertilize an egg. He said I was lucky to have not gotten pregnant because I would have had a tubal pregnancy, no doubt, and possibly lost my tubes. I had many cysts and blood covering my entire uterus. He gave me the worst news ever. I would probably never have kids and if I did get pregnant, I would have many complications.

My cycles were very regular, despite all my problems. I could count on AF showing every 28 days between midnight and 1 a.m.

Since my divorce, I hated men. But I found myself having a fling about 4 months after surgery. I was expecting AF to show on December 5th. I was in a self-destruct stage and didn't care much about anything. I was using cocaine, a lot. It fortunately was only a five week stage. So on the day AF was due to show, I was overly tired. Cocaine use does just the opposite. I figured it was time to stop. I did. Three days later, no AF. I still thought it was the drugs, so I passed it off. Until I got sick about 11 pm. This was December 8th. My friend suggested I take a pregnancy test. Knowing it wasn't possible, I laughed but humored her and bought a test. Imagine my surprise when it came back positive!!! At this point, I was no longer speaking to said fling. My timing went back to mid-cycle, which was the last time I saw him. Holy crap I WAS PREGNANT! So he called me about a week after and asked why I stopped calling. I told him by the way he acted toward me, I just wasn't interested. But I was pregnant. He freaked the F out. Told me to abort. Said I told him it wasn't possible. Well, that was what *I* was told. It happened, it was never supposed to. I am NOT risking the possible only chance I have at motherhood. I went on to have a fairly normal pregnancy. Until 27 weeks when my body started going into labor. I spent the next 12 weeks taking terbutaline and delivered my first child on his due date.

I met my next spouse the following summer and we had a slight friendship and slowly formed a serious relationship. We fell in love and knew we wanted a family. I warned him that it may be difficult. Three months of serious trying. Finally I said I need a break, lets not focus on it so much and it happened. Again, an easy pregnancy until 26 weeks when my body started laboring. She was born healthy one day late.

During all this, I found out my husband was using drugs. He hid it from me. We had ups and downs and I left him for a short while. He went to rehab and seemed like all was well. We wanted to have another child. So we were successful our first month. At about nine weeks, I developed a hematoma. A bad one. The doctors kept reassuring me that all was fine, it would heal. Time went on and it got worse. Finally, at 13w6d, I was in labor. I knew it. I delivered my little boy on my living room floor while my husband was 8 hours away for work. They did testing on the fetus and found nothing. That was 1/6/06. It was a boy and we named him Bryce.

We tried again for three months after that and I found out he was using again. I was less than thrilled and decided to leave him. One day in June, he forced himself on me. I told him I was fertile and to stay away. he did not listen. I knew I would be pregnant. I was. I left anyway. I never told him I was pregnant. I knew the stress would cause me to lose the baby, which is exactly what happened.

Enter a short term relationship when we were actively preventing, but what a surprise when my chart went triphasic after a condom slipped off during fertile time. Ugh. I found out on Halloween 2006 that I was pregnant. I was so upset. I lost the baby on November 4th.

During this time, I reconnected with an old friend from high school. We grew very close and had a few intimate nights. I watched my timing and made sure to stop having sex about 6 days before what I thought would be my fertile window. Surprise! My previous m/c set my cycle off by a few days and I ovulated four days earlier than expected. I found out just eight days later that I was pregnant. Immediately I went to my OB and requested testing to see why I was miscarrying so early. After three urine specimens and sixteen tubes of blood, I was diagnosed with FVL and PAI-1. The latter is rare and it works against the FVL and makes the effects about ten times worse. I managed to get on an aspirin and heparin regimen along with 4MG of folic acid per day and lots of bed rest. I got placenta previa during that pregnancy and again at 27 weeks, went into premature labor. More terbutaline. My youngest was born two weeks early, healthy as can be.

I got an IUD after this. But the IUD was causing frequent migraines, so I got it removed in late February this year.

Preventing as well as I could, I still ended up pregnant. I found out this year on April 8th. AF was due that day and I was sick. I knew. Crap. Well, I m/c'd on Easter morning.

Again, actively preventing as we were not ready. I found out May 8th that I was pregnant again. I immediately started my heparin and was so sick. I didn't think the pregnancy would make it, but we figured hey, my body wants to make a baby... I guess we are gonna have one. Horrible nausea. I spent two weeks on an infusion pump for Zofran. I had my NT scan at 12 weeks. A week later I was cramping and went to the OB for another scan only to find the baby stopped growing at 12w2d. I had a D&C on July 9th. We never found out the gender, but my older daughter said it was a boy named Jack from the beginning, so that is what we named the baby.

We were going to wait until late winter to start trying again because we wanted to get married first and get through some more schooling. Well, the greif from my previous loss was too much. I didnt' want to wait any longer. We decided to bump our wedding date to the Fall and start trying right away! Second cycle was a success. I found out September 26th that I was pregnant! We were beyond thrilled. I started bleeding around eight weeks. I had developed two hematomas. They healed quickly! We got married on November 14th. A few days later four new hematomas developed. Ugh. So I took it easy. Kept up with my heparin and stayed off my feet. I even took a medical incomplete from my classes so that I could have as little stress as possible. Everything seemed to be going great. I'd heard the doppler tones twice within a week at about 12-13 weeks. We were finally feeling safe and comfortable. I even introduced myself fully on the June DDC, something I'd avoided since I hated developing relationships with women only to have to say a heartbreaking goodbye when I miscarried. I'd been feeling movement for a few weeks and finally, last Friday, DH felt some small bumps as I laid in the bath. I got a bad headache that night and it lasted through the whole weekend. I also started feeling less movement, with nothing by Sunday. Monday, I called the OBs office to tell them about my headache, lack of sleep, decreased movement and bad cramping. I had an appointment set for 1:30 to come in. Doc and I chatted about normal pregnancy stuff then she got out her doppler. Five minutes and nothing. I started to panic but she said baby was probably just playing hard to get. "I'll get the portable and show you everything is fine!" Never a complaint from me, I love seeing my Bugger. I was 14w6d and maybe, just maybe, she could have a peek between the legs. Well, she put the probe in and as soon as I saw the chest, I knew what I was supposed to see and I didn't see it. She kept wiggling and jiggling and shaking, trying to get baby to move. Finally after about seven minutes she turned the monitor and said "I'm so sorry Nicole, I don't see a heartbeat."

I just lost it. They sent me over to the tech room with the better machine and I got a few pics of the baby and they measured the baby. Growth stopped at 14w3d. Sadly, the few movements DH felt on Friday night were probably the baby's last ones. At least he got to enjoy that one time. I walked out of the office with an appointment set for D&C early Wednesday, xanax for nerves and a box of tissues. Tuesday I was scheduled to go in for preadmission physical. By the time I got there, I was contracting and pinching in my vagina/cervix. I knew it was starting, but I was not bleeding. I walked straight from the admissions testing to the ER and they decided to do the surgery Tuesday night.

The remains were sent out for testing and to find out the gender. I'm trying to get them to save the remains so I may have them cremated like I did for Bryce. We would also like to name the baby. I should have those results by Monday.

We want to try again. Our hearts really want another child. We want many more, but my body does not like pregnancy. I've been told by more than one OB that most likely a child after thirty is virtually impossible. I'm 28 now. We did agree that we will try once more and if that fails, we may be done. Only time will tell.

So that is my story and it is a long one. Thanks so much for reading.

I should add that I am allergic to latex and because of my clotting disorders, I can not take hormones. Non-latex condoms are not as effective as regular ones obviously, hence the 10/06, 3/09 and 4/09 pregnancies.

Also, more about Steven and I. We met the summer before high school. We were always friends in school, but very different characters. Even now, our friends find it hard to believe we ended up together. I was 25 and he was 26 when we finally hooked up. I am happy we didn't get together in school. We never would have had the chance to grow into the people we are now to make this the perfect relationship! We are a slightly odd couple. He loves comic books and cartoons, I love just about anything medical. He is 6'5", I am 5'4". But we are perfect. He is my knight in shining armour. Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure! One you can see our height difference. In the wedding photos, I was wearing four inch heels, so it isn't so easy to see. LOL!

A candid moment, this turned out to be one of my favorite pics.


Look at that gorgeous pink sapphire! It is my birthstone! HUGE! But amazing!


Somehow the lighting made these perfect! We are having the non-kissing one blown up to poster size and are going to have a collage on one of our walls with this as the centerpiece.





The baby was really crabby and wasn't smiling much, plus we had two people taking pics, so getting everyone to look at the same person at once was impossible. But here was the wedding party. Me, Steven, his aunt (my maid-of-honor), my brother (best-man) Robert (my son) gave me away, and Emma and Adelle (my daughters) were the flower girls!



Here is one of the better shots showing off my full dress! You can slightly see the height difference here, keep in mind the 4 inch heels!



Our major height difference!



And just one more of us, it is one of my faves!



And finally... my last pics of Bugger <3




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Nicole

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