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February 13th, 2010, 12:06 AM
Banned-godzgrl4evr godzgrl4evr is offline
Mega Super TTC-er
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,487
I'm talking about the loss of Keira. Her second birthday has just passed and I have been thinking about her a lot lately. Some of you know what I'm talking about. For those that don't, here's the story.

I helped to raise Keira for over a year. It was from March 2008 to May 2009. She was only five weeks old when she first came to me. Her parents both worked full-time and I had the pleasure of taking care of her Monday through Friday from 8 to 5. I fell in love with her as I was unhealthy and couldn't get pregnant. I felt God brought her to me. The closeness was what we both needed. She needed it because she was an infant and they need to feel secure and a connection with their main caregiver, which was me, and I needed it because it filled a void for me. I took care of her and she excelled through every stage and met each milestone early. I loved her so much.

At about fifteen months, she was successful in every developmental stage except social because she was used to being the only child. Her mom got pregnant again and we both thought it would be best to transition her to another daycare so she can get used to being around other kids before her mom gave birth.

We agreed for Keira to go to the day care three days a week and here two days a week. she came here the last week in May of 2009 and when I called her mom the first Monday in June to verify that she'd be here the following day, she said "Oh, we aren't bringing her there anymore". Just like that. Keira was ripped from me and I was ripped from her. Why? Her mom said I loved her too much.

For the first couple of weeks, I was torn up. I cried every day. I had no idea that when I last saw her that Thursday, I wouldn't see her anymore. I know I'm not her mother, but I helped raise her since she was five weeks old.

It has been six months now and she recently turned two years old. The whole week before her second birthday was very hard for me. I cried a lot.

I haven't seen her since that last day in May. Along with grief, I am dealing with anger towards her mother and father at the moment. Not so much for what they did to me, but for what they did to Keira.

I thought I went through the grieving process, but I am finding recently that I haven't completely gotten through it. Some days are harder than others. Some days it feels so new and I cry just thinking about her. I look at her toys we had here and some of her clothes and it tears me up inside as this felt like a death to me.

She will always be in my heart and although I know that she probably won't remember me, I know that for the first year of her life, she was taken care of and got the security she needed to grow. Oh gosh, I'm crying now.
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