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April 27th, 2010, 08:28 AM
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Daisyfields Daisyfields is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the enchanted forest
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It's important for the child to know that he has his own space, away from you, DH & the others. It's important b/c the child requires some privacy & it shows the child that your home is his 2nd home, not just a place to stay every now & then, if you have the extra space, some people do not (like me) and we have to have the kids share rooms, so depending on your set-up & needs is how to proceed.

You should have a conversation w/ your DH about what is transpiring & how you can compromise etc. Hopefully you can both come to an agreement & give a little on both ends.

Now... I have "had" a similar situation w/ my DSS. When we went to buy this house, my DH was skeptical b/c it was a 3 bdrm & my DS (DH's DSS) had his own room, and the baby had his own room. Since we bought the home, we've added another child (who shares w/ the baby b/c they are close in age) & my DS (DH's DSS) still has his own room w/ an additional bed (twin beds) and 2 trundles for guests/clothes/storage. Originally we had the notion that this extra bed was for my DSS. My DH would refer it to DSS' bed, and so on. Since we've own this home, my DSS has slept here (and this is being generous) maybe 5 times, we've been in this house for 4+ years! We (or I should say DH) is suppose to have his DS, every other weekend overnight. But, my DSS doesn't sleep here or even come here every other weekend. I am lucky to see my DSS every holiday, there will be months that go by that I do not see my DSS, and it's not my choice, it's a geographical issue "and" his bio-mom, she hates me, our rules etc., so they've decided on their own that he wouldn't stay here anymore. Which is fine. So now... I am going to switch things up for more space. I will be giving the babies the twin beds & my DS (DH's DSS), will still have his own room, w/ a full size bed, period. If DSS ever decides he wants to sleep over, he'll have to sleep on the trundle "or" on a couch, but I am not going to watch that bed (expensive) sit there & collect dust & not be used because my DSS is a brat about sleeping over & his bio-mom is a jerk about letting us see him. In that sort of situation, no child should have their own room, if you need the room for something else. But you're telling me that he spends the night on a schedule, and even though it's not every single day, it's still more than someone like myself, which is never.

If you needed the space for another child or two, then, that would be different but it sounds like it's more that you don't want to change the space b/c he's not there a lot, which I understand the frustration of it, but honestly, the child is going to need his own space, as they get older that's just the norm and as long as he spends the night at least monthly or more, and you have that extra room, there is no reason why it can't be done. You can also compromise in that you have a day bed, w/ a desk etc., this way it's not 100% child like but it's a nice space for him or a potential guest. I'd just give him the choice of colors, not cart Blanche but you could pick our several colors from a paint store & ask him to choose from the samples you are giving him, same w/ the bedding style, you pick out the styles, give him the choices your chosen & have him pick something that is not childlike but also makes him feel like HE got a say in the room.


Last edited by Daisyfields; April 27th, 2010 at 08:31 AM.
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