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May 5th, 2010, 11:43 AM
Mama to 4 Monsters Mama to 4 Monsters is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,741
I've never mentioned to anyone that Noah's birth bothered me.. mainly because I know they'd tell me that there was no other choice and I do believe thats true except for a c-section and I am grateful I didn't have to go that route, but it doesn't stop the bad memories of something that should be the most wonderful thing ever.

The day before we got to take Nicky home from the NICU, we were in the car getting ready to head back down there and I completely fell apart on DH. I told him I felt like it was my fault.. like I had done something wrong during the pregnancy and caused Nicky's problems.... Told him I felt like a failure as a mother for letting everyone tell me I was hearing things when I first noticed Nicky's breathing was odd. I just cried and cried and cried nonstop for a good hour right there in the car. He held me and let me cry and really did try to convince me that none of it was my fault and it was just something that happened. And then again when I had to call 911 because Nicky choked on his formula and turned blue when he was 2 months old. He had to have thickened formula and sit upright for a half hour after eating so he wouldn't choke, but he had just pooped and was horribly fussy about it and since it had already been 25 minutes since he ate I figured I could lay him down and change him.. no sooner did I get the diaper off him and he was choking... he wouldn't cough it up and turned blue on me. I blamed myself.. and still do.. over that because I didn't wait the full 30 minutes. Dh also tried to help me through that one as best he could as well. I will say though, we do have a good support system with all our extended family when it comes to everything we've had to do/are doing/will have to do with Nicky now.. they all do understand how difficult it is at times and they worry right along with us, so I am thankful for all that.

DH is the only one I'd ever told about how I felt about Nicky and everything he went through/is still going through and I do have to say I'm lucky there because he does support me and tries his best to help me feel better about it all.
Andrea, Mama to.. Noah (2006), Nickolas (2007), Alyzabeth (2008), and Savannah (2010)

Many Many Thanks to GraysMama (Chelsea) for my AMAZING Siggy!!!

Last edited by Mama to 4 Monsters; May 5th, 2010 at 11:48 AM.
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