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Risa April 17th, 2012 06:53 PM

frustrated with dh
I am getting a little frustrated with my dh. Today I said that I wished I could either hear the baby's heartbeat or feel it move so that I know it is okay (it's been two weeks since I heard the heartbeat and I haven't felt it move yet). He said that I was "worrying too much" and said "Are you going to be like this as a mom? Worrying all the time?" I feel like I have not been worrying too much. I didn't worry about the genetic testing, I feel like I'm not being psycho about things not to do while pregnant...his comment just really hurt my feelings. I do tend to worry about everything, so I really thought I was doing a good job not worrying.

I do feel like I'm thinking about being pregnant pretty often, and reading about it pretty often, but its my first baby. It's hard not to think about it when it feels different every time you move. I feel like DH is just sick of hearing about it. I don't have many close girlfriends who have been pregnant, so I guess I end up telling him most stuff. Maybe I need to stop talking so much about it?

Thanks, I needed to vent.

Brannyt April 17th, 2012 07:01 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
I get you! Especially with my first pregnancy, it was hard not to worry. You're the one experiencing it directly, and every little ache will make you question whether everything is truly okay or not. Guys will never understand, but that's my opinion.

Just don't feel as though you're worrying for nothing. That worry never goes away! You'll worry when they're in, and when they're out :)

RunningMommyTo5 April 17th, 2012 07:07 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
Just tell your DH that YES, you will worry like this when the baby is here, LOL!!!! The worrying over your children is endless, but guess what, tell your DH that when baby's here, he'll get to share in your worrying, too. It's easy for men to not understand why we "worry so much" while pregnant. They just truly don't get it. I worried quite a bit with DS1, too, and I think it's common, even after you've had more than one. I still worry sometimes with this one and it's my 4th baby!!! It has eased up some, but I still think about being pregnant all the time, too. It's so much more "real" to us from the beginning, and it usually doesn't become as "real" for the guys until baby's actually here, if that makes any sense. My Dh is so excited about this baby and has been about all of ours, but he'll tell you that it's hard for him to feel truly bonded until they're here, but that as soon as he sees them, the bonding happens instantly.

Sorry you're frustrated with DH and that he just doesn't understand. (((hugs)))

Blessed Mommy Of 5 April 17th, 2012 07:11 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
I did the same exact thing this pregnancy....worry..worry...worry!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! With my first pregnancy I took worry to a whole different level! I read sooooo many pregnancy books. I even read medical books. I bought about 20+ pregnancy books and about 10 medical books back then and read them faithfully and repeatedly throughout my first pregnancy!! And I am talking huge thick books! I still have them but they are all packed away. It is completely normal to worry and I think it is our maternal instinct! Some of us of course worry more than others!

Brannyt made an excellent point; you will worry before and after they are born!!!! In my experience you worry even more afterwards!!!


Risa April 17th, 2012 08:20 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
Thanks for the replies. I think it is hard for him to understand what it is like. I can't help but think about being pregnant all the time! We tried for two years to get pregnant, and now that I actually am I still can't believe it. Thanks for the thoughts on worrying, it made me feel better.

palmetto_moon April 17th, 2012 08:25 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
LOL, Risa! Tell him, "No, it won't be like this when the baby is born....it will be a million times worse!"
It's normal and natural to worry especially before you can feel consistent movement. Before long, you'll feel your little one every day and that will be a reassurance that all is well in there. However, the nature of being a parent is that we worry about our children a lot from pregnancy through the rest of their lives. THe whole concept is probably abstract to your husband right now, because the baby is inside you, not him and he doesn't fully "get it" yet. But, once that little one is born and in your hubby's arms, he'll be joining you in the lifetime o'worry game!

Pleione April 17th, 2012 11:27 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
Of course you're going to worry. Especially if you're a first time mother! I think he was a little insensitive with the comment but maybe he doesn't understand. Perhaps you should try explaining to him all the things that can possibly happen. It'll give him a reason to worry a little himself and understand why you're worrying.

smashley8 April 18th, 2012 05:33 AM

Re: frustrated with dh
I can sympathize with you about the worrying. It's my first baby too and I am constantly thinking about it, looking at my stomach in the mirror, worrying about little aches, etc. and it's hard to have those thoughts reeling in your head all the time! Your husband should be more understanding of your feelings. Sometimes it really helps to have someone just tell you "Everything will be fine" especially from your loved one! Next time I would let him know that you really need his compassion and support.

Moldovandish April 18th, 2012 08:58 AM

Re: frustrated with dh
I agree with the other ladies. Men don't quite get it. Even though we have been through a second-trimester loss and DH kind of gets why I'm worried, he still gets a bit frustrated when I talk about it too much. That's why it's good for us to be part of a DDC like this so we can vent and talk about all our worries!

karenwalter April 18th, 2012 09:09 AM

Re: frustrated with dh
Your DH probably just doesn't get it yet. I know it's hard for men to really feel connected tot he baby when they aren't experiencing any of it yet. I know my DH felt alot more connected when he got to feel the baby move all the time. It will probably just take some time before your husband is connected to the baby, then he'll start to worry too!

amazing_love April 18th, 2012 12:30 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
I can't say it any better than the ladies already have. YES you will worry even more once baby is born, its our job as a parent to worry about them ;) Also its so true that men have a hard time bonding with baby inside the womb, it just isn't as real for them until the baby is born. So yes its very normal for you to worry and its also normal for your DH to not understand it :)

momma_d April 18th, 2012 12:41 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
Men definitely don't get it. It isn't anything against them, but it is something that they don't go through, therefore they will never understand it. I don't think it has anything to do with them being insensitive, they just genuinely don't understand the feelings we have when we are pregnant and most of the time they especially don't know how to handle our breakdowns and worries! lol

He will be bonded and understand when baby comes! I think my DH worries about our daughter more than I do! But he was definitely not connected throughout my pregnancy and I know for a fact he was totally freaked out about becoming a daddy!

3Sapphires April 18th, 2012 04:27 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
My dh made a similar comment the other night, I too am very worried with this pregnancy, and I haven't felt a ton of movement so of course I'm worse case scenario'ing everything.

Men don't get it. My DH doesn't really worry too much about the boys after they were born either...

The other night we were at the park, my 3y/o climbed a ladder and grabbed money bars that I couldn't reach from the ground. As soon as I realized he could break his legs, or worse I was in a full on sprint across the playground. He held on for a good 30 seconds until I got there.

After I grabbed him and helped him down, I turned around and DH was barely half way to us.

I was like "nice, make your almost 20 week pregnant wife run 30 yards, while your fat ***** lumbers at a snails pace"

I mean I couldn't reach these things from the ground and I am 5'8"! it wasn't like a 6 inch drop it was feet!

jackiehavin2nd April 18th, 2012 06:02 PM

Re: frustrated with dh
I feel like with DD#1 I didn't breathe a full breath until she was home safe and sound from the hospital. I couldn't let myself relax and trust that it would all be okay. This time around it's easier, mainly because I'm chasing after her.

I agree with several post previous, you will still worry with baby here, it'll just be about different stuff. And, DH will get to share in all the new worries with you. Seems like we as moms are hard wired to be the "worriers" men tend not to think the same about it.

Enitsirk April 19th, 2012 09:38 AM

Re: frustrated with dh
Ugh that's not very understanding of him! I hate pregnancy because it makes me worry so much :(

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