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Missa_Mae August 14th, 2012 07:22 PM

Melissa's Journey to #1
So I've decided to start a journal :D YAY!

I am 29 and my SO is 32. We've been together for about 4 years. This is my 2nd pregnancy. I exercised my right to choose at 18 and terminated an unplanned pregnancy at 4 1/2 - 5 weeks. Please don't judge me.

I have wanted a baby for as long as we've been together. He has a GREAT family, they are so close and I actually envy his relationship with his family as I never had that. We talked on and off about children and I finally made the decision to stop my BCP in May after our trip to Vegas. He was completely aware that I stopped. My first cycle off he refused to finish inside me and it upset me but at the same time I wanted a cycle or two to "regulate." My second cycle we just kind of DTD whenever and I was kind of disappointed when I got a BFN at the end of that cycle. I bought some OPKs for cycle # 3 and got positive on CD14, 15 & 16. We DTD a lot during my fertile time and he finished just fine hehe ... which leads me to here, I had some IB on August 9 and got my BFP on August 10 :D

SO wasn't too happy, he freaked out, got scared, said we were unprepared, basically broke down because he knew he couldn't act like at 16 year old anymore LOL but he's coming around slowly. We both did not expect it to happen this soon so I think we're both still in shock.

He is the "golden child" of his family and I think he's concerned his family will be upset since we are not married. Oh well ...

As for me ... I am battling anxiety right now. I tend to freak out about every little thing and I always think the worst. My self esteem has always been rocky and I tend to panic way too often. I'm not on any medication ... well I'm on BuSpar for the anxiety but I'm on such a low dose & do not want to increase until my 2nd trimester.

Today makes me 5 weeks pregnant

I'm feeling OK, besides the constant anxiety. I had some nausea today, exhaustion, and super emotional. I need some relaxation tips, and am thinking of seeing a counselor since SO can barely talk about the pregnancy right now ...

Here is my test from this morning:

Thats it for tonight, I'm exhausted and going to bed!

ThaiSpice August 14th, 2012 07:34 PM

Re: Melissa's Journey to #1
Yay! Another journal!

Big hugs to you, and congrats! It's definitely a lot to take in, and a huge change. I think anxiety is a fairly natural part of being pregnant--for everyone involved. Even though TTC our first was DH's idea initially, he was totally freaked out when it actually did happen, and sooner than we expected. He couldn't really talk about it for a while, either. But he came around to the idea, and he is THE BEST daddy. Anyway, I think talking to a counselor is a great idea! As for relaxation, I've recently started doing some yoga poses in the evenings--you can Google pregnancy yoga, or look up videos on YouTube for some ideas, if you're interested. I find it to be very relaxing!

Missa_Mae August 25th, 2012 08:49 PM

Re: Melissa's Journey to #1

The past week 1/2 has flown by ... but sadly, it hasn't been good

I've always dealt with anxiety before I got pregnant, and always "thought" I had a good grip on it ... a Xanax here and there ... exercise ... but a little over a week ago on a Friday, while at work, I had a MAJOR panic attack & everything just fell apart. I could barely eat, barely sleep, I couldn't function the entire weekend. I almost went to the ER because I couldn't stop shaking ... even my SO was concerned!

I went to see my Primary Dr the following Monday and thankfully she put me out of work for at least 2 weeks so I could focus on getting better and handling my anxiety. She put increased my BuSpar and referred me to a Psychologist.

Last Wednesday, my new OB's office called and said they had a cancellation and asked if I wanted to go in ... I didn't hesitate! My OB is super nice, I started bawling when she walked in the door. She was super nice, caring, understanding, etc. I told her about the BuSpar and she recommended Zoloft instead, and said that the risk was very very low and as long as I tapered off in the 3rd trimester, there would be almost no risk.

So there is where I am at, trying to handle my anxiety, which seems a bit better now than it did at the beginning of the week. I am also dealing with my mother who is insistent that I DO NOT take the Zoloft at all. She is terrified of those law suits on TV, even started crying begging me that she would do anything and everything to help me "get better."

So torn on what to do ... ugh

On the other hand ... here is my little bean ... measuring at 6w, hb 114 and beautiful


we also finally told my SO's parents tonight, and he warned me the entire ride over there that they weren't going to be happy because we weren't married & be prepared to "be yelled at" ... well they were NOT mad, in fact they seemed kind of excited but kept urging the marriage part, we'll see about that ...

ThaiSpice August 27th, 2012 07:38 AM

Re: Melissa's Journey to #1
:bighug: I'm sorry you've been having a rough time! I think I said this before in another thread, but my sister took Zoloft while pregnant and breastfeeding, and her kids are perfectly fine. It's definitely a personal choice, and at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you and your baby.

That's great that your SO's parents weren't mad!

Missa_Mae October 7th, 2012 08:19 AM

Re: Melissa's Journey to #1
12 weeks 6 days

Not sure why my ticker says 13 weeks, oh well.

I just realized I haven't updated this since 6ish weeks!!!!
Things did get better with the anxiety, I did start the Zoloft (25mgs) and have increased it since to 37.5 mgs. The baby is doing great, had my NT Scan on Friday and although I haven't gotten my #'s yet, the tech said everything looked "great" which makes me happy.

I'm battling M/S right now, and it's really getting me down. Every morning when I wake up it's at it's worst and sometimes eating helps, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes Zofran helps, sometimes it doesn't. I'm so frustrated and just want it to end. I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow because my anxiety also seems to be pretty sky high when I don't feel good. I've been having mini anxiety/panic attacks since Wed :-(
As excited as I am for this baby to come, I am stuck in the "moment" of not feeling well, and resenting that this baby is making me feel so crappy. Besides the nausea and occasional vomitting, I can't sleep, I'm exhausted, depressed, bloated, uncomfortable, etc. My SO doesn't understand & he just gets mad when he sees me on the couch. Trying not to let him bother me though ...

Oh and the dizziness started too ... but not sure if that's from being tired. I just want to know that one day I'll wake up and not feel sick, be able to eat a decent breakfast and get through my day like I did pre-pregnancy.

linds2012 October 7th, 2012 12:55 PM

Re: Melissa's Journey to #1
Glad the baby is doing well, but i hate that youre feeling like crap! I hope it goes away for you soon! I guess ive been pretty lucky, i havent been too sick! Have you tried eating something right when u go to bed at night, that helps in the morning! That was my problem, id eat at maybe 7 pm, so by the time i woke up in the morning, i was sick!! But my friend told me that helped her, so i tried it, and it has worked so far! I hate that the zofran hasnt helped much, that was my go to thing a few times! I hope things start looking up for you!!:dothug:

Missa_Mae October 17th, 2012 02:48 PM

Re: Melissa's Journey to #1
14 week 2 days

So, my last update was pretty depressing wasn't it? LOL. Well, apparently I was in the beginnings of having a horrible reaction to Reglan. One of it's main side effects is .... anxiety! Of course, I got the script from the ER 2 weeks prior as a result of bad acid reflux. Still, they knew (because I told them) I have anxiety issues, and the gave it to me anyway. Nice bedside manner doc.

Anyways, on the 8th I ended up breaking down completely, anxiety was so bad I couldn't sit still, couldn't eat/drink ... and ended up in the ER. Got some fluids, 2 full bags since I was pretty dehydrated, but they couldn't do much for the anxiety except tell me to drink a lot to pee it all out of my system. They also gave me a script for Phenergan to take at night ... and to stick with the Zofran as needed during the day.

Well, let me tell you, the night after the ER visit I felt like a million bucks. No nausea, no anxiety, had an awesome nights sleep. I also increased my Zoloft from 25mgs to 50mgs and I really think that helped too. Since then *knock on wood* I have felt better and better. Haven't had much nausea, am sleeping well, eating like a pig (and it's all carbs and sweets!) and I feel happier. I'm hoping this sticks around.

So anyways, my NT scan results came back today - the doctor didn't give me numbers but her exact words were "everything was perfect" so that made me feel much better! I worry about the Zoloft with the baby. Everyone I know that has taken it has told me their babies were fine, etc. I still worry though so hearing that the NT scan went well makes me feel so much better about my developing bean.

So that's my update, finally a good happy update, hoping it continues!

Gender scan is on Nov 16 - 4 weeks - hoping it goes by fast. I am so thinking girl but my SO is thinking boy :)

ThaiSpice October 17th, 2012 03:31 PM

So glad things are looking up for you! Hope it continues!

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