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Cortney6983 April 11th, 2013 09:14 PM

Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Sooo I feel horrible ... I am not liking breast feeding one bit, I've been trying its not what I thought it would be she screams because she has a hard time latching I want to pump and feed... Am I really as bad as I feel? The doctors and peditriction are all about breast feeding.

*update *

Well we decided breast feeding was stressing her and me out it wasn't working so I am going to pump and feed her she's using formula for now shes much happier already

bananamagic April 11th, 2013 10:34 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision, you need to do what is best for your baby and yourself. Breast feeding is wonderful, but it is not easy. I feel awful about not being able to beast feed but I know that I am doing what I have to. Try not to let it get you down and enjoy your little miracle. :)

MsRK April 11th, 2013 11:54 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
You are going to have to do what you need to do for the welfare of not only your baby, but for yourself as well. We had a hard time getting my milk to come in so whle they were working with me I had to suppliment formula for a while. I am breastfeeding now but I even pump and feed him for the overnight hours because I wasn't getting any sleep.

You might find that you can do the same thing once you get into the groove of breast feeding. You can feed her from the breast sometimes and sometimes you will need to bottle feed her breast milk. Just try to do your best with breast feeding. It is NOT easy at all, so don't stress yourself out about not being able to get it right on the first day. I have certainly learned that it takes some work.

If you truly want to breast feed just keep at it. Spend about 10 minutes trying to get her to latch properly then stop if it has not happened and feed her some pumped milk. Then pump more milk and try again at the next feeding to get her to latch.

Good luck and give yourself a break... it doesn't just happen for most of us.. it takes some work and training for both of you to get it right.

jen747 April 12th, 2013 12:29 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Don't feel like a bad mom. Do what is right for you & your family. Being a mom is SO hard (but so wonderful), and many things don't go as you plan or anticipate, but you just can't beat yourself up over it.

Can I ask--you said it wasn't what you thought it would be...how so? I know there's no way to tell until you actually do it, but I just wondered what you meant. (And I don't mean that rudely or for you to defend yourself.)

ThaiSpice April 12th, 2013 04:13 AM

Definitely don't feel like a bad mom! Regardless of what anyone says, breastfeeding is hard in the beginning. Even though it is a natural thing, it doesn't come naturally for everyone, especially right at first. There's a learning curve for mama and baby. Also, it is not uncommon for some newborns to have difficulty latching at first who then start latching like champs around 4 weeks or so. The first 4-6 weeks are definitely the hardest, and after that it gets much easier. At that point, breastfeeding really is easier than pumping. And I thing Rachel gave you some good advice if you did want to give it a try. You can also revisit it later if you want once things calm down a bit.

That being said, breastfeeding is not for everyone. You have to do what works for your little one and you. Pumping and feeding breast milk is a great thing to do, and shows that you care enough to do it for her. And formula works, too. The "bad mom" thing to do would be to not feed her, which obviously isn't the case. Cut yourself some slack--these first days/weeks are tough and exhausting and emotional and wonderful and exciting all st the same time. Give yourself some time to get adjusted, and everything will get better.

mama3o April 12th, 2013 05:04 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Pumping is just as good. There are many breast feeding moms who will turn and say they couldn't pump because it is a lot of work..If you can pump you rock! I pumped exclusively with my 3rd. It worked for me but yes it's hard. I was able to pump enough for extra months and store!! I'm on my fourth and haven't been successful yet with breastfeeding, but of course I'll give it another try! Do what you can...Your sanity has to come first! It really does!

plastikmom April 12th, 2013 05:45 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Courtney, this might be the first time you feel like a bad mom, but it probably won't be the last. We all have these feelings for one reason or another and its sad that we put so much pressure on ourselves. But what it really means is that you love your daughter and want what's best for her. All these new experiences will make you question yourself and your mothering capabilities. Gain confidence as you go and it will get easier. Whatever decision you make about breastfeeding/pumping, baby will be just fine and so will you mama!

sarahe210 April 12th, 2013 06:17 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Just a thought, do you have a lactation consultant at the hospital to help? We do and with my DD I had her come in to help me get her to latch. She had me use the football hold and told me a few things, helped me with her and she had no problems since! If it weren't for her, it would have been way harder.

Missa_Mae April 12th, 2013 07:27 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
I exclusively pump for my baby because she was a preemie and was in the NICU they bottle fed her at first so when I went to start BF'ing, she was getting confused & they did not want to stress her out since she was so tiny. I kept trying with her for a while and eventually just decided to pump and bottle feed.

However, if it's only been 1 day don't give up. It's not easy! Exclusively pumping is not easy either! In the beginning I was pumping every 3 hours on the dot, even overnight, even if she was sleeping I was up pumping. I've got a better schedule now but it's still very time consuming, but if you want your baby to get the benefits of breast milk & pumping is your only option, then def do it. Invest in a good quality pump though, I was using a Playtex at first and just recently bought a Medela Pump in Style and am getting at least 2+oz more per pump now.

Purple_cat April 12th, 2013 08:17 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Breastfeeding can be really hard at first. I am not sure that we prepare new moms for how difficult it can be in the beginning while mom and baby are learning. I know that I felt prepared, but I was still shocked by how hard it was and how much it hurt. I am very serious when I say that it took 3 adult hands to get my daughter to latch correctly for the first couple of weeks. When I was in the hospital I called in a nurse or lactation consultant for almost every feeding and I had them teach my husband how to help. When we got home he had to help me with every single latch for a week or so. After that things did get progressively easier and at a certain point it was much easier than I imagined bottle feeding to be. But those first few weeks were tough.

If you want to keep at trying BFing then see if there are nurses or a lactation consultant at the hospital who can help you (multiple times if possible). If pumping and bottle feeding is working better then do that. Or if you decide that formula would be the best, do that. :)

LeedaRenee April 12th, 2013 10:11 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
With my first child, it was hard to get him to latch. If not for the help of the lactation nurse, I would have been so frustrated and given up. Once he got the latching down, it was one of my favorite things about being a mom.

Kelz88 April 12th, 2013 10:46 AM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Im lurking here from March DDC

When my daughter was born I had all these ideas that I would breastfeed my baby girl for a year. I figured since I had exclusively pumped for twins, and almost exclusively breastfed my older daughter (some formula in beginning) for 6 months that this wasnt going to be a problem.

Well I was dead wrong.

My daughter is a very impatient stubborn child and alot of the times when I breastfeed here she pulls a diva-like hissy fit. So pumping it is.

She now breast feeds almost every morning, but usually has bottles throughout the day. I hope to get her mostly on the boob, but if not I hope to be able to keep pumping. Just remember to at least keep trying to get her on the breast to keep supply up (a pump cant empty you like a baby can) and pump every time after she eats (this is the hardest part)

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!!!!!! I cant stress this enough. You have a beautiful baby girl with a nice full belly. That is what matters! I would recommend seeing a few LCs though, day one is still early!

MaineBean April 12th, 2013 12:19 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
With my son, he had a terrible latch and I was all worked up the first night or two because I just wasn't making any milk or colostrum and he was screaming and it just wasn't working. We ended up supplementing with formula for a night or two until my milk came in. It was just a day behind when I needed it.

With Ingrid, I also was a little slow with the milk, but I was much more relaxed. She wasn't into the formula, so I had to "buck up, buttercup" which was fine. I was much more relaxed. I drank a ton of water, was ready to have the nurses help, and could recognize that she had a great latch- which is huge.

With my son, it was horrible for like 6+ weeks as we figured out how to make it work. This was mostly because his latch was bad. This time, my milk is on much higher production (partly because I put her to breast often and also because I'm keeping up my water intake and also because her better latch empties my breasts better) and it is much easier. It still hurts though- not bleeding cracking nipples pain, but still not nothing. The nips are a little pink and irritated here 10 days in- but I know it will improve. I've been doing compressions while nursing which helps her be encouraged to eat more (she gets more milk faster when I'm manually pushing the milk down the ducts into her mouth) and signals to my breasts that they are empty and need to up milk production.

If you want to BF, keep it up. It WILL take time. It probably WILL hurt for a while. BUT it WILL get better. I promise. And if it's something you want and you both deal with the learning curve, it is very rewarding having your wee one snuggled up skin to skin on your breast, knowing you are comforting and feeding her. And if it's too much stress, stick to pumping. I personally HATE pumping and will do just about anything to avoid it!!

You CAN do it!

~AmazedByYou~ April 12th, 2013 12:59 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Camden had to have his tongue clipped, I had/have bloody scabbed cracked nipples and it hurts, no doubt. The price of formula alone was enough to push me through the harder times. LOL

MaineBean April 12th, 2013 01:50 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
Just another thought- your update says you are going the formula route. That's fine, just remember it's only been a day or two. It does take time to learn, so don't let a little discouragement throw you off. You can always look into nipple shields to help power through and you can always do part BF, part pump, part formula. Breastmilk is so much cheaper and smells a million times better!

No pressure- it's not like *I* need you to do one way over another- it isn't my business. But from experience I know that 1-2 days or weeks isn't enough to judge the whole BFing experience!

Cortney6983 April 12th, 2013 06:36 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
We are supplementing formula pumping until my milk comes in then going to breast feed again she's hungrier than my breasts are allowing her to eat which is why she has a drama fit every time

Mel_Kay April 12th, 2013 07:05 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
I'm glad to hear you are going to give it another shot once your milk comes in. I just don't want you to regret your decision. With my first, I gave up breastfeeding in the hospital. We tried a few times and my son was just completely impatient and would throw huge fits. It was frustrating and I never received much help. I was satisfied to pump for a week to relieve any engorement and give him what I pumped. It was so painful waiting for my milk to dry up.

I eventually ended up completely regretting my urge not to try a little harder with him. I went in with the idea that I would "try" to breastfeed, if it didn't work...it was no biggie. Once I learned I had flat nipples, gave up the feeding, several months later I really REALLY regretted that I so easily gave up. I have tried harder with each pregnancy and this time around I am hoping that we get it down. Aaron has a much better latch than any of his brothers ever did.

With my first I wasn't a part of any forums, nor did I have any breastfeeding friends. My mother never breastfed, my MIL did but it had been so long that I didn't have any help or encouragement. You have this forum of ladies who have all been there and succeeded, just ask and you have many that can give great advice!

Good luck!

~AmazedByYou~ April 12th, 2013 07:22 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
That's all a misconception Cortney. Babies bellies are the size of a marble at this age. They don't need your "milk to be in". a teaspoon of colostrum (which you certainly have) is enough. Your milk won't really "come in" unless you're feeding and pumping every 2-3 hours. Also, babies will take significantly more formula than they need, stretching their bellies, and making them get used to the quick flow of the bottle and they refuse the breast even more because it's more work for them. They will drink 2oz of formula and then proceed to puke up an ounce because they overfed. And the smell of regurgitated formula is enough to make me regurgitate. LOL

nameetog April 12th, 2013 08:02 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
I honestly think women are given SO much bad information and advice about breastfeeding it really sabotages the process. Everyone has to make their own decisions on what is best for their family but it makes it hard to breastfeed when at every corner someone is telling you bad information and suggesting a bottle.

MaineBean April 12th, 2013 08:13 PM

Re: Feeling like a bad mom on day one
I know all about the BF fits... James would scream and scream because we couldn't get his latch right and it was SO frustrating. It was so worth it to do just a little lick or two of formula in the nursery to fill his teeny belly and give my nips a break. A little sleep and water/food made all the difference for me to try again a new day.

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