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-   -   AH! (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2644028-ah.html)

chachartier April 17th, 2013 03:21 PM

I know I don't post a lot in here, I feel like I hardly ever have five minutes to check in... HOWEVER

I work in an office specifically aimed at helping children who have been through traumatic expriences... and I can not BELIEVE how judgmental and uneducated some of the people here are about stuff like how old people "should" be when they have kids, breastfeeding (moms being uptight (!!) about not giving formula or not wanting to introduce a bottle early) and how long a mom "should" breastfeed....

I mean, I am all for people making their own decisions about what is right or wrong for them and their family, but people in my office will make fun of moms for breastfeeding or for breastfeeding a two year old, "once they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old to be breastfeeding," nursing more than one baby at a time, pumping at work, needing time off to take care of a sick kid or something...

PEOPLE hellooooooo this is an office that is all about protecting children and educating parents... FINE! You don't want to breastfeed two kids at once, or you got tired of doing it after a year or never did it at all for whatever reason... or you had kids at whatever age you think was the perfect age... but me, as a breastfeeding-a-14-month-old-don't-intend-to-stop-til-he-wants-to mom, regardless of whether another kid comes along before he is done, and yes maybe I need to take off a day or two here and there (rarely) when his daycare won't take him... I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR JOKES/RIDICULES of a mom who declined a gift from her mother (my coworker) of formula and bottles... I also do not want to hear you talk crap about your sister who is 40 and wants to have another baby because she is "too old." Tell me what is the right age these days? I hear that 20-somtehing is too young, and now 40-something is too old... that gives you your 30s only?? That is crap!

I just can't believe that I work in an office for protecting child victims, and I hear people saying this crap all day long. I always just get up and walk away... I thought it was just me, but other people have been complaining to me about it and I'm wondering when I am going to snap and complain about it.

soul_donut April 17th, 2013 03:29 PM

Re: AH!
Girl tell them the truth! Nothing better than a dose of the truth for crap like that. Ugh!

~*Nicole*~ April 17th, 2013 03:31 PM

Re: AH!
Idk why women are so hard on each other for their parenting choices. I'm all for breastfeeding, but as long as you're feeding your baby, you're doing your job and it's none of anyone else's business. I've dealt a lot with people questioning the size of my family, and that's none of anyone's business either. I'm an opinionated person, but as long as her baby is taken care of, it's no one's place to question the choices a mom makes. Sorry you have to deal with that.

Lemon April 17th, 2013 04:27 PM

I don't understand people blasting their narrow opinions in public. You never know what is going on with the people around them.

There were two moms chatting near a friend of mine and I on the elem school playground last week. They were bad talking only children. The dad I was talking with only has one 7 year old son. Jerk ladies.

Irshtripletsmommy April 17th, 2013 05:15 PM

Re: AH!
That's awful, it's like don't they realize people can hear them? Just because they have an opinion does not mean that everyone should have the same one. Must be hard for you to keep quiet.

FishermansWife4 April 17th, 2013 07:38 PM

Re: AH!
:hug: Teach them an old Greek woman taught you if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Sheesh! That would have to be hard though and I'm very proud of you for doing the mature thing and NOT telling them where to go, how to get there, and what to do once they are indeed there.

QL1516 April 17th, 2013 08:11 PM

Re: AH!
Women can be catty, regardless of topic. Don't feel bad if you have to complain - if they're prone to judging, it could be effecting their work too. I worked with kids and found that often the judgey people often, consciously or not, were less effective in their work. To a lesser extent (and sometimes not) you'd hear the same type of judgement be passed around a client. Not cool.

Cccbb61013 April 17th, 2013 10:27 PM

Re: AH!
I find that most of the time (keep in mind I said most, sometimes you have the jerks that will still tell you that you are wrong), if when people are complaining or making fun of something I do (I.e. cosleeping) and I tell them that I did/do it and loved/love it, if shuts them up and they make a lame excuse as to what type of cosleeping they don't agree with. With breast feeding, I've caught a lot of flack for NOT doing it. Women (and men surprisingly. I had one berate me weeks after I had my son and I was so shocked I sat there dumbfounded. That will NEVER happen again) are just so judgmental and think their way is the only way. You do what works for you.

jamieshalon2 April 18th, 2013 05:12 AM

Re: AH!
You know sometimes I think I really like it that I work with mostly men. They can be so much easier to work with and they seem to feel more compassion towards women than other women do which is a horrible, sad thing.

chachartier April 18th, 2013 08:10 AM

Re: AH!
I agree! Thank you so much for the support ladies :) I have on occasion said "I do that," or put in my opinion about whatever they are talking about, but if there is more than one of them, they will like listen for a second, and then go about their conversation when I get up and leave or something. It's not like they are just chatting in their office, they are usually talking in the lunch room. One time this med student was talking about how annoying it is when people in her class have babies because they will use the lounge to pump or sometimes they will "get out of things" because they don't have an on call babysitter when an emergency comes up. SORRY but I bet those people would love to not have to worry about who was taking care of their child, it's not like they are slacking or getting out of something by staying home with their baby, that is HARD WORK and they know that other people might be pissy about them not being able to always come running. Also, if you are so annoyed that a mom needs to pump in the only lounge that is available, then maybe you should join advocacy efforts for the implementation of a comfortable nursing area in all public facilities!!! I do work in an office with ALL women, the only man we had left a few months ago... we are hiring for several positions, and I keep praying a man will bring some testosterone around here and lower the drama SHEESH

soul_donut April 18th, 2013 08:25 AM

Re: AH!
PS: Chastity I love your baby's hair swoop!!!

chachartier April 18th, 2013 09:37 AM

Re: AH!
Haha it is his little trademark... I have had people ask me if it is natural. Like "huh?! no... I put product in my baby's hair..." LOL let me see if I have a more recent picture of him...


Wren April 18th, 2013 12:05 PM

Re: AH!
People are so narrow in what they think are acceptable choices:

If you have zero kids, you are selfish. If you have one kid you are selfish for depriving your kid of a sibling. If you have 2 kids you are perfect. If you have 3 kids you are selfish and destroying the planet.

If you don't breastfeed your child will be obese and have allergies. If you breastfeed for 6 months - 1 year you are perfect. If you breastfeed more than 1 year you are a freak whose child is going to end up a freak.

drewbears April 23rd, 2013 09:45 AM

Re: AH!
sad thing is the mean girls thing doesn't end in high school... then starts the mean mommas. Gotta love how people feel like only their way is the right way.

Dolly Lama April 23rd, 2013 09:59 AM

Re: AH!
And this is why I mainly hang out with guys!

I don't understand why some women feel that they have the right to express their opinions about someone else's choices in life. As far as the BFing goes, maybe the woman isn't producing milk, maybe they have to get back on medication which would make BFing a bad idea, maybe they freaking just don't want to - IT'S THEIR BUSINESS. Same goes for how many children a woman chooses to have or not have, and how they choose to raise them - as long as the child/children are being cared for, it's no ones business.

Hats off to you, girlfriend, for maintaining your composure in such an environment. If I was in that office, I would have given them all a piece of my mind by now...then with the hormones flowing around, may have informed them that they are all a bunch of judgmental, opinionated b*tches who really need to find hobbies.

I swear, the world in general would be a better place if people just learned to mind their own business.

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