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-   -   My family is driving me NUTS! (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2662068-my-family-driving-me-nuts.html)

MerinSun June 28th, 2013 09:24 AM

My family is driving me NUTS!
I know I've posted about my family being clueless on how to help but this is really taking the cake. First off, while i was in the hospital the ceiling in Alex's room was bulging down and DH had to repair it. My Dad came over to help figure out the problem and the solution. Which was wonderful. What wasn't wonderful was that he didn't help DH and nobody else offered to. So, while DH was bouncing back and forth between the hospital and visiting Alex at his parent's house he was also staying up through the nights trying to tear down, repair, and then repaint Alex's room so that Alex can come home.

This didn't happen in time. So, when Rory and I came home from the hospital Alex's room still needed to be vacuumed and steam cleaned. All of his stuff needed to be cleaned and put back into his room. So we just put the bags down and scramble to try to get this done in time for Alex's arrival. As we're doing this people are arriving. My Mom comes in and wants to know why our stuff is just laying all over the place downstairs. I show her the situation. At this point other people show show. Nobody offers to help with anything. I have sweat rolling down my face and body from the exertion of lifting furniture and scrubbing.

I finally snap and ask someone to at least pick up the bags from the floor and throw in the dirty laundry. My Mom then asks 10 million questions about where to put things. She doesn't like that I say "put it on the bed" or "put it in a closet" she goes on about how i Need to be organized. I didn't care about being organized at that moment, I just wanted the bags out of our way!

Eventually Alex shows up and everything gets even more chaotic because he's terrified of my new pump. But not my old one (it's more quiet) so I tell my Mom to put the new one in the basement so it's out of sight and Alex could calm down (he's screaming at the top of his lungs). She wants to know if I have a basket or a specific shelf for the pump. Uh, NO! She again makes a catty remark about organization as she puts the pump in a corner in the basement.

Finally she announces she has to leave. 30 minutes later she comes back with 10 large plastic bins and dumps them in my living room and says "These are so you can get more organized" and then leaves again.


Now flash forward. Alex is a screaming mess because he hated that we were gone for so long (strangely he loves the baby to death, lol). Everything is a mess. Rowan won't eat, Alex hasn't been outside in days and is desperately lonely. I'm making panicked phone calls to family to see if they can come over and take him out for some fun. No one comes. After having a huge crying hissy fit on the phone last week my Mom decides that she will come over for a day or two to help. Well. She came. Much later than stated (she always does that, something ALWAYS comes up). Then she sat on the phone talking with friends while Alex played by himself outside. OH, she also came in the door asking what we made for dinner. Thanks, Mom!

She spent the night but did not get up once to handle Alex as he screamed in terror/rage every time we got up to feed Rowan his bottle. Then she left early the next day.

My Dad I asked SPECIFICALLY if he could come over and take Alex to the park. He shows up, eats lunch, plays on his phone, and then leaves.

My Mom called us yesterday saying she wanted to visit. But she planned on coming during Alex's nap. We pointed out that wouldn't make sense so she says "Oh, well...I guess I could come a bit earlier". DH says "No, she won't." and so confident in this he decides that he will call off work today and take Alex out all day. Guess what call I got soon after they left "Yeah, I'm going to be much later than I thought. I need to do X-X stuff and Y-Y things happened" Did I mention that this happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME?!?!?

In the 2 years Alex has been here not once has my family come to take him on a day trip. My brother won't bring his daughter over to play with Alex. My family is just not interested in spending time with Alex or with us unless WE GO TO THEM. My Mom was mad at me because I said that it would be impossible right now to drive 40 minutes to have lunch with her. She kept saying "But we can eat in a park!" and I kept saying "I have to PUMP."

I just honestly thought that my family would be more supporting and step up to the plate to help. I really did. I feel like I'm begging for the impossible and being unreasonable. My in-laws, on the other hand, have been wonderful. They come over to play with Alex and when I've pumped they insist that DH and I go out and take a break, they'll feed Rory and take care of Alex. It's been wonderful. But I can't ask them to come over all the time. That's not fair. I wish my family was a bit more like that.

navywifey2003 June 28th, 2013 09:31 AM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
I wish we were closer! I would so help you out! I would be livid. Hang in there hun you are doing great. The transition from 1 to two is difficult without all you are going through with his feeding issues. Can you pump outside in your backyard? That way you are outside with Alex? I dont know I havent been in this situation so I dont even know if it would work, but your family is being beyond lame!

MarylandMama June 28th, 2013 09:54 AM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
That really sucks. I'm sorry. My family hasn't been able to help much bc my dad has had some medical issues (he actually got out of the hospital the day Lena was born), but it's not bc they don't want to. I'm sure that is really frustrating and hurtful for you. I'm glad your DH's family is helpful. Your family may regret their actions when your kids are older and are much more into your in-laws since they actually spend time with them. Hugs!

mommy220 June 28th, 2013 09:55 AM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
Oh. My. Gawd! I am so so sorry, I am so annoyed for you!!

MerinSun June 28th, 2013 10:17 AM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!

Originally Posted by navywifey2003 (Post 27483564)
I wish we were closer! I would so help you out! I would be livid. Hang in there hun you are doing great. The transition from 1 to two is difficult without all you are going through with his feeding issues. Can you pump outside in your backyard? That way you are outside with Alex? I dont know I havent been in this situation so I dont even know if it would work, but your family is being beyond lame!

If we had a privacy fence I so would! However, we just have a chain link fence and our corner is a bus stop, lol. I'm comfortable breastfeeding in front of strangers but pumping is something different, lol.

I've bee trying to be better about taking the pump into Alex's room so we can play while I pump. I also try to pump while Alex eats breakfast so we can get up right away and do something. Sometimes the stars magically align and I can take him out to a park and leave Rowan to chill with DH (DH works from home). Once this week I managed to take both kids to this kids' garden together. But it's getting so hot and Rowan was so sweaty I don't think we're going to be able to do that again. If I was breastfeeding I'd just stick to the shade and offer the breast a lot. But Rowan won't always latch and I don't want to the bottle to spoil in the heat :S I also try to take them out for walks a lot but while walks are nice they're no substitute for play time.

zkat June 28th, 2013 10:33 AM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
Wow, how did you not lose it on your mom with the bins? Your parents sound a lot like my MIL. How can people show up to your house with a new baby and asked be fed? Where I am from, itis a Shinto show up sans food!

I wish we were closer, Alex and Bourne could wreak havoc on all the parks together and I could hold rory so you could get a break.

sunnydaze June 28th, 2013 01:42 PM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
I can relate. I have a 12 year old that everyone wants to spend time with because he is quiet and respectful and pretty self sufficient. However, he just recently hit puberty and doesn't want to spend time with any of us uncool adults any more.

But I have a 5 year old who no one seems to want to have anything to do with. He has a slight developmental delay so its like babysitting a 3 year old instead of a 5 year old and he is kind of rambunctious and loud. It is like pulling teeth to get DH's family to help with him at all.

Thank god for friends and my mom.

Maybe you need to have a serious conversation with your parents.

MerinSun June 28th, 2013 05:24 PM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
I was all set to sit my Mom down today to have a heart-to-heart but then she plunked down her debit card and told me to buy more pocket diapers for Rory so we can stop buying so many disposables (our Thirsties don't fit him yet). Kind of hard to nag someone after that :\

She actually did play with Alex today and it was wonderful to hear him laughing so much again. I thanked her profusely for it. We are going to need to have this conversation soon, though. I'd really like for my family to have more of a relationship with Alex.

eshute June 29th, 2013 02:32 PM

Re: My family is driving me NUTS!
I'm glad your mom stepped up and helped out a little. The first post made me crazy. I hope your family continues to help out a little more and you can catch a break!

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