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HappyBabyB August 29th, 2013 08:12 AM

My crazy mother
Hopingforbabymc's topic about the pressure to let other people keep the baby overnight got me thinking about my mother and I wanted to seek advice from you all. Here's the summary of what's going on:

My mother is mentally ill, she has been clinically diagnosed as bi polar, borderline schizophrenic and depressed. My husband and I went to Utah to visit her and my Dad (who works full time) in July and she was on so many medications that supposedly help her function and also balance her out. The problem is she could barely function. She would take all of her pills and either sleep all day and night or walk around lethargic and barely able to hold a conversation. Some of the medication that she takes for her mental disorder make her hands shake and she can't even hold a cup to her mouth to take a drink.

I cannot trust her to take care of another human being on her own.

Now the part I am having a problem with is the fact that she INSISTS she is the person that our baby will go to if my husband and I happen to deploy at the same time (not likely, but possible). We are required by the military to make a family care plan as soon as he is born and we have to write out where the baby will go. I have already talked to my sister in law and she will be the one to take him (she is the only responsible one on both sides of the family).

I am really struggling with telling my mom she won't be the one the baby will go to because she is so excited to have him. Do I tell her now or wait until something actually comes up and we have to send our son to DH SIL, then tell her then?

What would you do?

hotpinkheels August 29th, 2013 08:50 AM

Oh gosh. That's a tough one. I don't know if I have a good answer for you. Mental illness is so debilitating, not only to the person who has it but all their loved ones too.

Is it better to wait and cross that bridge when you get there versus bringing it up and having it cause issues? Maybe. I am really at a loss. Hopefully the other ladies have some advice. I'm glad you do have someone safe and responsible to take care of little buddy just in case. ((Hugs))

Classy August 29th, 2013 08:54 AM

Re: My crazy mother
I would probably wait and tell her only when necessary, if the situation does arise.

HappyBabyB August 29th, 2013 09:38 AM

Re: My crazy mother
That is what I was leaning towards. I figure there's no reason to bring it up beforehand because it could just cause tension and possible drama. Who knows, maybe we will never be deployed at the same time? Then nobody's feelings would get hurt.

It is just hard to play along because she brings it up everytime we talk. But I'll just keep pretending like she will be the one to take care of him. I hate lying but I do want to spare her feelings.

~Kris~ August 29th, 2013 09:42 AM

Re: My crazy mother
I would wait and see if you have to cross that bridge. ;)

MakeupMommy3 August 29th, 2013 09:46 AM

Re: My crazy mother
Oh boy! That is a tough situation to have to deal with. I would probably wait as well and deal with it when the need arises. Sparing her feelings is the way to go in this case, especially considering her condition. GL and hopefully you will never have to deal with it period.

jadeunicorn August 29th, 2013 09:58 AM

Re: My crazy mother
If she brings up the subject again before any such need arises, tell her then.

If she doesn't bring the subject up again, tell her when the situation comes up.

Just my opinion. You don't want to string her along if she does start talking about it again.

Christina642 August 29th, 2013 10:08 AM

Re: My crazy mother
I would also wait. If it's going to cause tension for you it's not worth it. I mean the odds of you both deploying at the same time is low. So why cross that bridge before you need to and cause some family tension.

hotpinkheels August 29th, 2013 10:26 AM

Re: My crazy mother
If she does bring it up and you don't want to lie, I guess you could say "Well, we will cross that bridge when we get there- hopefully we never have to!" and hopefully that would end it.

But I agree- I think I would probably just wait to really discuss it.

MarineWife_03 August 29th, 2013 11:38 AM

Re: My crazy mother
I would definitely just wait and fingers crossed that it won't happen!

LABs August 29th, 2013 01:11 PM

Re: My crazy mother
What a hard place to be in! Id thank her for her love and support for your baby and cross that bridge when/if you need to. Most moms want to be there for their kids and grandkids and its sad that she can't.

Erin1826 August 29th, 2013 06:04 PM

Re: My crazy mother
I agree that it's probably better to wait. You may never have to tell her, so why not avoid the stress for both of you if you can.

I didn't realize that was something that could happen! So you and your hubby could have to deploy at the same time and leave the baby behind?? How long would it be for? Would they do it while he's an infant? I really hope you don't have to deal with this situation!!

FairyDustMom August 29th, 2013 06:11 PM

Re: My crazy mother
The situation might change.. or she might even change her mind still.. I agree about waiting and mention something only when the time arises.

HappyBabyB August 29th, 2013 08:36 PM

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

Erin, yes it could happen! There is a rule that I am not allowed to deploy for 6 months after he is born, but after that I am free game. Most people in the military have a heart and wouldn't deploy us at the same time but I did have a friend who gave birth and 7 months later her and her husband both deployed. She tried to fight it but her supervision did not have her back so she ended up going and leaving her son with her mom.

I'm just thankful we have my sister in law to depend on if something like that did happen.

Oh and our deployments are 6 months long

Minilegs August 29th, 2013 11:16 PM

Re: My crazy mother
I agree with your plan to divulge when necessary but, I honestly wouldn't lie about it. I would probably try to avoid and not address it at all. Good luck!

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