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-   -   talk about bad timing...lol (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f2038-2013-playroom/2677546-talk-about-bad-timing-lol.html)

slmehaffey September 8th, 2013 10:23 PM

talk about bad timing...lol
I just found out my brother is getting married. They want to do it pretty quickly because they'd like an outdoor fall wedding and don't really want to wait until next year. That's cool and pretty exciting too. I've met his fiancÚ and she's pretty awesome.
Problem, they have decided to get married the day before my due date. I live 3 hours from where they live, which means I probably live three hours from whatever outdoor location they plan to get married... I still want to go, but it will all depend on when baby arrives. If early then yay I'll go (with a newborn in tow), if not born... I don't know if I can do that... I mean that is just horrible timing for me... but I really don't want to miss out on my brother's wedding.. I've already missed so much, his high school graduation being one of the biggest ones. And he was IN my wedding... kind of more because my husbands best man couldn't get military leave and we needed to fill the space, but he's also the closest to my husband out of all my brothers, so we'd both be really missing out if we couldn't go.
Oh and minor complication, their wedding is planned for a Friday evening and the next morning is my son's last soccer game and the day they give out trophies and what not.... so all around bad timing here! (I wouldn't dream of asking them to change it for me, she doesn't even really know me that well, and I don't want her to feel obligated to change her wedding day because of a sister-in-law, that would seriously suck for starting out on the right foot with our new 'sister' relationship.

jennyrae03 September 8th, 2013 10:42 PM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
Wow, that's cutting it a little too close for comfort to me...I don't know all of the situation of course, but it surprises me that your brother didn't try to plan it a little earlier (or later) to accommodate family. Especially since it seems to be kind of a spur of the moment decision, you know?

I hope that everything works out that you are able to go. I would personally be hesitant to travel that far away if I were still pregnant...just my opinion, of course :)

jamieshalon2 September 9th, 2013 05:36 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
awe, that does suck. My cousin is scheduled to get married 8 days after my EDD. I am hoping that I can go to her wedding. We will see though.

I hope baby comes in time that you can do what you need/want to do.

soul_donut September 9th, 2013 06:33 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
That stinks, but I think you're right to stay put. This is a date that has been on the books for 9 months, and it's a shame they couldn't do it earlier or a little bit later. My brother missed my wedding, but for a no-good reason - you will not get lingering hard feelings about this, trust me! Being @ your due date is like the #1 "excuse"!

Aimee319 September 9th, 2013 06:34 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
Yeah that's really cutting it close. Most of my family lives 3-4 hours away and when we visited last weekend I said that's IT until well after the baby is born. I just personally wouldn't chance it that close. I want to give birth at MY hospital, haha. That is a bummer though, I get that you want to be there...hopefully baby comes early.

MrsPea September 9th, 2013 06:56 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
Oh that is crap! When planning my wedding I made sure it was a good day for ALL of my family and my husband's family. I would totally guilt trip my brother if he tried to get married on a day he KNEW I couldn't make it. No way would I want to miss that. I think your new SIL should be trying to accommodate you a little better to get off on a good start too! It goes both ways here...

Spyctre September 9th, 2013 07:20 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
That's a shame. =( I agree with Mrs. Pea. I pushed back my wedding last minute because my MIL needed emergency surgery. She would have been out in time, but would have been in a wheel chair. Oh, well, if baby isn't here by then I would send a gift and regrets I couldn't make it. 3 hours is a long drive that close to baby! I'd probably stay home with my newborn as well. Wouldn't want people touching him or her.

Maybe they aren't really putting much thought into the date? Just picking a random Friday?

Daisee37 September 9th, 2013 08:37 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
Have you asked them whether it's possible to push it back a week or two? Maybe they don't realize how close that is to your due date and just picked a random fall day?

I'd actually be sort of pissed off if my siblings picked a wedding date that was the WORST possible day for me so that I couldn't go. I wouldn't plan a wedding around when each of my friends could be there, but I would certainly try to plan it around when ALL the siblings could be there... mine and my husband's! And my sisters-in-law did the same when planning their weddings... they confirmed with the sibs before finalizing a date.

If they stick to their date, then I'd make the same choice as you and hang back. I'm not going anywhere further than 30 min from my hospital until the baby is born (but I have REALLY fast labors). The last thing you want is to go into labor when you're 3 hours from home.

JeCaLe September 9th, 2013 08:52 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
I was wondering too if they actually knew it was the day before your due date. I would honestly just be honest about it. Tell them its the day before and if the baby hasn't arrived yet, you cannot make that long of a trip as much as you want to. Don't ask them to change it, but let them know, so if it is something they want to move, they can.

I hope baby comes a little early and you can still go.

SouthernBelle86 September 9th, 2013 09:05 AM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
Aww, that really does suck. My personally opinion would be that I would have to tell my brother that I am sorry but I can't travel as that is my due date and I'm sure they would understand. It's not like you don't have a good reason for not being able to attend the wedding and plus your due date was planned way before the wedding date.

Also keep in mind with health insurance policy and what doctors may suggest as you get closer. If they tell you no travel than don't risk it. You don't want to chance having a baby in a car or at the wedding or going to a strange hospital dealing with medical staff that you don't know at all.

The health insurance that I have says I can't travel within several weeks of my dut date and if I do that they won't cover outside of my coverage area which is within 1-2 hours of my county.

Now here is a cool idea for you to be there without driving, how about they do a live streaming skype video online for out of town guests. That way you can still be apart of their big day if you aren't in the hospital having the baby.

I know alot of couples that are streaming live weddings online now and they are pretty simple to do. I would highly suggest that idea to them when you tell them that you probably won't be able to come due to the baby.

I know it's a hard choice to make but I would just discuss it with your family and doctor before deciding what is best for you and your baby.

slmehaffey September 9th, 2013 02:05 PM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
Here is a little back story from my mother... as to why that date.
My brother is a scatter brain and probably didn't know when I was due, in fact for all he knew I might have had the baby already.. he doesn't keep in good contact and his phone number is always changing, so I get news about him the way he gets it about me... through our parents, plus he's 21, not the most responsible age for a guy, so I let it go, as he and the others get older they seem to get it more together. So I pretty much see it going like this....she tells him the date, he agrees to it.... end of story. lol.
Now what my mom said about the wedding date.... new SIL picked October 4th, which was obviously better for me, but then her mother who isn't a fan of the whole idea of her marrying my brother for whatever reason but is coming around to it, and also seems to think they are too young or something convinced her that she should wait a few more months... except that she REALLy wants an outdoor wedding, and October is the last of the 'good' months for that... so she choose to put it at the end of the month. Probably not aware at all about me. My mom did say something to them, but also didn't want to push and felt that there was enough pushing coming from SIL's mother that we don't want to cause her to get frustrated about it.. weddings are stressful enough.
I'm not SUPER close to my brother, he is 8 years younger than I am and we've always kinda fought each other, but I love him and want to be there if I'm able.

Someone mentioned the problem of people touching baby... I wear my babies and they wont be able to get close enough... I'll tell them they will get their chance to hold or touch baby at Thanksgiving, end of story, if baby has even arrived early enough for me to get there.

oh and who knows, they may still change it... I don't know.

walelia2 September 9th, 2013 10:41 PM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
I hope they change it and you can go. That would be a bummer. I wouldn't be comfortable travelling that far that close to EDD!

drewbears September 11th, 2013 03:31 PM

Re: talk about bad timing...lol
That sucks! I would really ask if they could push it back. Since it doesn't sound like its one of those a huge deposit locked into a location and date kinda thing.

I would want my family there and certainly would take my sisters due date into consideration.

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