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June 19th, 2006, 09:20 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
What a loaded question! My DH is a combination of a few others here. I know that he truly cares about me, and he wants to help me heal, but he almost never talks about how he is feeling. A lot of the time I get the impression that the losses just didn't get to him as deeply, but I'm not sure that's fair. I think he's probably in denial a good bit. He cried a lot the first two days after I mc two weeks ago, and then on the third days he said, "Well, I think I've done my grieving." Glad to hear it only took two days. I was still in shock.
I also think he is terrified of more losses, so I don't know when he will be ready to ttc again. He told me he didn't think he could deal with another loss. I'm afraid that I can talk him into trying for a third time, but I won' be able to talk him into a fourth time if something goes wrong.
I also think I've had to be stronger than he has in a lot of this. When I mc'd this last time, I was the one who kept the fetal tissue and took it to the doctor the next day, and I covered it up so he didn't have to see it. He told me he didn't want to see it because it was too upsetting.
Of course, we are in the very early part of the process (again), and I don't want to come off sounding too negative. We had some strain on our marriage for about a month the first time, so I guess we're still in that again right now. Mostly I just get annoyed that his grief tends towards escapism - for example, he's spent all night on the computer watching idiotic videos on the internet. That's the last thing I want to see right now.
I'm sure it will be fine. We've got a great marriage, and the rest of it is doing fine. It's just a bit awkward right now. I don't think he'll have a problem going for testing. I thnk he just doesn't want to get hurt again.

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