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June 25th, 2006, 10:19 PM
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Rina42308 Rina42308 is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Fear is my middle name...

I am so scared of another m/ scared that the thought of pg again will physically bring butterflies to my stomach but in the same breath feel a desire in my heart so emmense I can not even articulate it into words..

Like Beck, I am so scared that one of these times...these days aI am going to have a loss and require a hysterectomy or have so much scar tissue that it's un fixable...

I am scared my decision for the last d and c may have cost me my ability to try and carry again (due to the surgery I have to have on friday to remove scar tissue)

I am scared I just will never have a healthy child

I am scared that I will finally get a healthy child and Dh's cancer will return (as if I have to trade one soul on this earth for another)

I am scared. End of story. Nothing makes sense.. the world goes round and I have 4 dead children. It sucks and i am scared. And I hate it.
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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