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June 27th, 2006, 03:36 PM
68rn 68rn is offline
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 371
I posted this on the regular pregnancy loss board and realized that maybe it is more suitable for this one instead:

I had a d&c 5 years ago and a natural m/c 4 years ago. But I feel like I'm still lost and grieving...

There are some days that this calendar pops up in my head, and somehow calculates exactly how old my girls would have been, like when I see a mother and daughter playing in a park, or that little girl in the supermarket grabs my leg in line because she confused me with her mom for a second. It feels like my heart breaks a little more each time...

I'm now 5 wks pregnant and things feel kind of shaky... I can't imagine what it would be like to lose another child... And this probably sounds awful, but I'm not sure I want this child... I think I do, but I feel like I don't deserve to have children now because I must have done SOMETHING wrong to have lost the others.

Is it normal for me to feel this way so long after the losses? Is anger and guilt a normal, warranted experience? Does anyone have any advice for how to move on?
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<span style="font-familyalatino Linotype">"I wish you knew how much you changed all our lives. But I know someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes."
I'll always love you, Lori.</span>
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