Topic: MIL Debate
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October 31st, 2010, 07:11 AM
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BobbityBoo BobbityBoo is offline
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Originally Posted by AmandaEliz View Post
I actually had a rule. If you weren't there during conception, you didn't need to be there during L&D (unless it was your job). That also meant I had to compromise & my mom wasn't there either.
I'm going to be the devil's advocate here, but you have to realize the MIL is going to be a sensitive issue from here out. Yeah, you're the one doing all the work, but baby's birth-day is as special to him as it is to you. I'm betting your DH doesn't want his family (namely his mom) to be left out. Especially because your mom is going to be there. Whether he'll admit it or not (or even realizes it), he's probably always going to be a little sensitive about your kids' relationship with his parents. Flat out, he's not going to want your kids to prefer your parents. Its become pretty obvious with Mike that that is the case & I doubt he has ever consiously realized it. He really likes my parents, but he wants our kids to be just as close to his parents as mine.
I also wasn't comfortable having my bits & pieces on display to my MIL. So, I bit the bullett & told my mom no as well. Honestly though, when I hit transition, there could've been 100 people there & I probably wouldn't have noticed; my entire focus was on my body & birth.
I'm not saying the way he reacted was ok, it certainly doesn't sound like he was reasonable at all. All I'm saying is that you also have to take a deep breath & see it from his perspective, too. This is something very special you are getting to share with your mom & he wants that too. I know it sucks, but you may have to consider some sort of compromise, one that makes the birth experience everything you both want it to be.
I like this advice! ^^^

You will have to feel the situation out further to see if you need to bite the bullet and not have your mom there. In the end it is YOUR labor and as Ami said it will not progress if you aren't comfortable. So you can put your foot down and not have MIL there but you might also have to compromise and not have your mom there, for your marriage. KWIM??

Having said that... do you know if MIL wants to be there? He is arguing for her but as you said she was in the waiting room of the hospital for the other SIL not IN the room watching her push out a baby. For all you or DH knows she has NO desire to see you bits! lol Every parent and grandparent I'm sure wants to feel included and get to see the baby quickly, but even in the hospital there is a good 30 mins if not more where they are taking care or you, delivering the placenta, etc. where family isn't invited in yet, so you get that time alone with DH and baby. Then you can always extend that. So maybe remind DH of that. Also maybe you can find some articles about how uncomfortable situations have affected mom's labor. Sometimes a nurse or doula will clear the room to let mom relax.

But first and foremost I would figure out if MIL wants to be there. If not, there is no argument! I know my MIL had no wishes to be present for my home birth. She was there for the hospital birthof my son, but she is a nurse and that was her element. Home birth... not so much. I was freaking out about it the whole time but when it came down to it, she didn't want to be there. Good luck!

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