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November 1st, 2010, 04:33 PM
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Lex&angels Lex&angels is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: France
Posts: 3,736
Here is my story, I'm finally ready to tell it entirely. DH is my high-school sweetheart, we met at 17 and married at 20, our 3d anniversary is coming up.

At first we had decided to wait awhile for children, but in August of 08 I started having pregnancy symptoms, but my period wasn't due yet. Being impatient, I took a test, and to this day I don't know if the line I saw was real or if it was an evap or a figment of my imagination. I never was late. I don't even really count it as a miscarriage, but it made me realize I wanted a baby and soon.

In May of 09, DH agreed that we could go off the pill and NTNP, since I was graduating college in June.

In August of 09, my period was very late (45 day cycle!) but I wasn't pregnant. I even got bloodwork to be sure. At that point I realized that I would need to start charting to know if I was even ovulating.

I was later diagnosed with PCOS after a few ultrasounds and doctor visits (I was complaining of pelvic pain, I had an ovarian cyst that resolved on its own in October 09, independant of my PCOS)

Christmas 09, same scenario as the August 08 : I felt pregnant, I had a few symptoms, and I had a very faint second line on a test, but my period showed. I don't count this as a miscarriage either, because the line never was dark enough to be sure it even had color. And emotionally, both of those "evaps" hurt, but not nearly as much as my miscarriages. But they are still a part of my story.

March 1st 2010, I take a pregnancy test, another very faint line. The next day however, the line couldn't be clearer, I'm pregnant! I have all of the symptoms and I get really excited! First time I have two clear, pink lines.

March 5 2010 : I start bleeding, and I get bloodwork, my hcg is already under 5.

May 12 2010, I'm having a cycle with no clear ovulation pattern and am expecting my period any day. I'm actually late and my temps are high, so I test just to be sure.... a clear positive! I'm really excited, everyone has told me it rarely happens twice in a row. We start talking about names and then, on May 15 2010, I'm bleeding again. I do a home test which turns up negative.

At this point we decide to get testing done and my doctor agrees, that even though very early losses are common, it can't hurt to run a few basic tests and to refer me to an RE to get a better quality of ovulation since my cycles are weird.

I find out that I have 1:640 ANAs but everything else looks normal, I'm told that it may still be nothing but that I should take baby aspirin and a very low dose of prednisone and progesterone, just in case, that it can't hurt. My RE says that if I'm not pregnant on my own by September, we'll do an injectibles + IUI cycle (DH has low motility and the postcoital test was abysmally bad, there were NONE left)

A mere 3 weeks later, I'm pregnant again! This time I'm taking meds and I'm very afraid, but everything is progressing well. My hormone levels are up, and increasing, and after a few weeks my test lines appear even before the control lines do!

First ultrasound at 6w4d : the tech says that I'm supposed to be 8 weeks, but I'm measuring at 5. I say, well, I ovulated late, but he says "not that late" and gives me no hope. I'm convinced it's over, but decide to wait a week and get another ultrasound to be sure.

Second ultrasound at 7w2d : our baby has a heartbeat and is measuring at 6w4d! We are incredibly relieved and so happy! Our baby has a heartbeat!

9w2d... We finally dare to DTD for the first time since my BFP, and I have a few drops of brown blood. I dismiss it.
9w3d... I call my doctor because I had a few red drops of blood. She says to go to the ER just in case, with my history. I go in after work (I wasn't too worried, I mostly thought I might need bedrest but that the baby would be fine)
I'm told that my cervix is closed and that there is no blood and that I'm showing no signs of infection, that everything is probably ok. But I'm given an ultrasound just to make sure. The doctor says she can't see much on the portable machine, so we go downstairs and use the TVU with a big screen. I lay there for 10 minutes staring at the screen, waiting for her to zoom in and let me hear the heartbeat, I don't understand why I don't see it. I was in complete disbelief when she said that there was none, that my baby had died measuring 7w2d, a mere 5 days after everything looked great.

I was given cytotec.

And here I am.

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