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November 20th, 2010, 04:43 PM
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Calendula Calendula is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
No, where did I say anything like that? I guess it was the word "etiquette" that threw me for a loop. Sometime prior to thanksgiving the family talks about thanksgiving plans - I just meant that "etiquette" shouldn't be a concern if a family knows eachother. I would never worry - oh, is it bad etiquette for me to offer to make desserts or wow, sister-in-law Mary sure used poor etiquette in making mashed potatoes because I made them last year and she is stepping on my toes. To me, etiquette, implies the need to follow some kind of social norms or rules while courtesy is just common sense. I agree that family gatherings are more fun when no one feels taken for granted but my solution to that is to talk and make decisions together rather than to pull out an etiquette book to find out what I "should" make and bring to the family's thanksgiving dinner.
In the text I quoted, I truly thought that was what you were saying. My definition of etiquette is very different from what you've outlined here. In fact, what you post here as etiquette is very far removed from what I would consider etiquette, so there must have been a misunderstanding based on that. I don't see etiquette as unrelated to courtesy. I also don't have a concept of etiquette that precludes communication.

Originally Posted by AMDG View Post
I agree and that was what i was getting at - I don't there is etiquette that must be followed when dealing with family. The difference between what was acceptable with your family vs. what Kes described shows that. If I showed up to a family gathering with a 2-Liter or a bag of chips people would look at me like I was absolutely crazy but that is because that is because our family dynamics are different. No right or wrong - no proper etiquette - just different.
So, it would be poor etiquette?

The expectations you are defining as dynamics, I see as a form of etiquette. I guess the main difference is you see etiquette as something stodgy and universal, I see it as something individual to different cultures and groups (even individual families). I guess that is where our arguments seemed to clash.

Originally Posted by Linzie View Post
Yeeaaah.... etiquette was the wrong word to use.

Last edited by Calendula; November 20th, 2010 at 04:47 PM.
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