Topic: feeling bad.
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May 5th, 2011, 10:25 AM
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Delekatala Delekatala is offline
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I posted this in my DDC, thought I would post it here to see if any of you ladies had any advice for me. I am just feeling bad.

I just wanted to post that I am sorry for being so in and out. I actually read posts every day, but I only reply when I am feeling good.

As most of you know I lost one of my twins two years ago when she was 16 days old. This pregnancy is affecting me much more than I anticipated. I am definitely feeling depressed, and I am scared of another preemie, or I guess more accurately of another baby dieing. And I am overwhelmed, I have so many appointments, and so much protocol, I feel like my entire day is working on this pregnancy (cooking and eating every two hours, checking my sugars, giving myself shots, calling the numbers into MFM, calling the meal logs into the nutritionist). I know it will be worth it in the end, and it wasn't this hard last time, like I said I think some depression is affecting me.

Also though it is hard to admit, the twin announcements really got to me too, I feel worried and angry and jealous I guess. Not sure why, I don't think I could handle it if we found out it was twins again, but I guess a part of me still grieves the twins I am supposed to have. And all the miscarriages are also getting to me, seems we have a lot of losses going on.

So anyhow I avoid posting when I have ugly feelings because I would hate for that to show through in one of my posts and to hurt someone. I am going to talk to my doctor about it at my next visit, and ask to be put in the pregnancy mental health group the hospital has, clearly I need to work through some of my feelings about Genevive, I don't know how to get past the fear.

I hope soon I will be back to my chipper self and posting and supporting everyone.
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