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May 7th, 2011, 12:05 PM
majicmaid majicmaid is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: El Paso, TX
Posts: 1,153
I grieve the births I didn't get. My daughter was frank breech. I was to have an external version but apparently my fluid was too low (still not sure if I believe that). We did an elective cesarean at 37w6d because I am a type 1 diabetic. With my second, my perinatologist would not even consider a vbac (he told me at the beginning he would and later said he could "tell" by looking at me that I couldn't deliver vaginally). My cervix was of course unfavorable since I wasn't even 38 weeks. I remember sitting in the birthing suite the night before my cesarean. There was a birthing ball, a whirlpool, a birthing bar etc. I just started bawling. My DH didn't get it at all why I was crying and still doesn't I don't think. He figures we get a healthy baby and it's all nice and scheduled. What's the problem? They came in and had me sign the consent forms. I cried the whole time. The nurse said "you have chosen an elective c-section" I said "no, I wasn't given any choice in the matter". She continued, "your other option is a vaginal delivery, "umm excuse me, no it isn't. He won't LET me have a vaginal delivery". She acted like she hadn't heard anything. My sections were horrible experiences. They didn't give me enough spinal with my first and I started feeling it halfway through and they ended up knocking me out. With both, they had an awful time with the spinal taking at least 5 tries. Then after the babies were born I didn't get to hold them. My hubby got to show off the baby to family but I was in recovery. After that they were taken for 6 hours of observation.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant with number 3 and my perinatologist is on board with a vba2c. He is not making me go at 38 weeks but is letting me go to 41 weeks if there are no problems. My DH is not on board with the vbac at all. He doesn't think we should risk it. I am so scared something will go wrong and I won't get this chance. I have never been in labor. I have never felt a contraction. This just seems wrong to me. I truly grieve my births and want so bad to have that healing birth people talk about.
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