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June 2nd, 2011, 11:03 AM
Seattlite Seattlite is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 13,880
21 weeks! I'm sorry I didn't update last week, we were out at the beach all weekend and I was in kind of a funk. Here's what I posted to my DDC last Friday:

4 years ago today, when I was 26 weeks 6 days pregnant with Jim, my water broke. 3 days later, he was born. 9 weeks after that, he came home from the hospital.

This morning, I woke up, and had probably my first GOOD cry about all that. I've cried bitterly about it loads and loads of times, but I've never cried and felt like it was cleansing me of that trauma a little, until today.

Today was also my 20-week ultrasound, and DH and I had Jim with us today (daycare is closed because our daycare person is going on a cruise that leaves today, plus we headed out of town for the weekend this afternoon), so we decided that in between the ultrasound and the doctor portion of the visit, we'd pop up to the NICU and say hi to any of the nurses who are still working there. I got teary eyed, and so did DH, but we both held it together. One of our favorites, Celia, happened to be on duty, and she came out to see us and say hi to Jim. This will sound really weird, but I found it comforting that I don't feel comfortable there anymore. I felt like I belonged there by the time Jim was ready to come home, but visiting today, I didn't feel like that anymore. I think that's a good sign.

Honestly, I was thinking I'd feel like a total mess this weekend, but after today, I'm feeling better. It's like I've smoothed off another rough edge of the trauma so it can't cut me up as much anymore. I'll never be able to ditch it completely but at least it's not as scratchy.

Anyway, beyond all that, the appointment went well. Maggie is doing great, my cervix is still nice and long, and I'd only gained a pound since last week (and that was with shoes on this time--much better than last appointment, I'd gained a whopping 8 pounds in just 2 weeks!). The only thing that was a little off is that there was a trace of protein in my urine, but my BP is super low so they said it's not anything to worry about. They did yet another blood draw to check my thyroid and my iron to see how it's going, will get those results next week.

So, since then, things have been pretty good. We had a very good weekend at the beach, and I'm feeling more movement, which is fun, although DH still can't feel it on the outside, poor guy. I've got sciatica which is not fun, plus I'm having insomnia problems. I do think the mood swings haven't been quite as bad the last couple of weeks...I'm still angry a lot on Mondays and Tuesdays, but I'm not crying. So it's better for me but worse for DH? Tomorrow I go in for yet another shot, ugh, then on Saturday is Jim's birthday part with his friends at Jump Planet, and on Sunday we're going to a baby shower for DH's best friend and his wife (she's due next month!) and then we're having DH's cousin and sister over for dinner. I like them both so it should be a fun weekend, although I could really use some down time. I didn't get much of it at the beach--DH got a day to go crab fishing, but I didn't get much me-time.
~Beth in Seattle

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