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June 3rd, 2011, 05:31 PM
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Originally Posted by K.A.T View Post
Give it time, maybe he feels that your son is still too young for him to fully interact with. Also, your step daughter is only 3, maybe your DH wants to spend that extra time doting on her. There's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't go to the negative right away. You're marriage is still fresh so to speak and you just had a baby so you have a lot of hormones driving you in all sorts of directions.
I agree with this, but if things don't change soon, I would definitely do as Katie suggested and seek counseling. The most important thing you can do for both children is to present a united front with your DH. If you can't work together with him in parenting the children, it will not work.

Originally Posted by katiemama View Post
If it were me, I would get him into counseling. You cannot parent his daughter effectively if you are not on the same page. And his lack of boundaries with her is actually IMPEDING her development. It's harming her. Although it's important to love a child and spoil the heck out of them - it's also equally important to allow them autonomy and independence. You know she is capable of these things given your experience with her.

If this isn't nipped in the bud, it will be worse on your marriage as she grows older and your resentment of her AND your husband will get worse - as will her knowledge of how to divide and conquer in your relationship with her.

I'd get help.

If he won't go, I would go on my own. Just to make sure your feelings of not being loved aren't soley about you - and the therapist may have some tools to help you better detach from the things you cannot control in your relationship.

Also, if you have boundaries with your son - he will learn them. Sadly though, if your husband has none - he will learn similar divide and conquer techniques that could be hazardous to your marriage going forward. I'm of the opinion that "wait and see" generally doesn't work in these scenarios - but I could be wrong. I've just seen an AWFUL lot in step situations...

Have you read any books on step parenting or blended families?

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