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August 6th, 2011, 08:10 AM
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Kelllilee Kelllilee is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Washington State
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Every pregnancy/birth is different, you shouldn't count yourself out. A few things that stand out to me: The first time around you were induced. That can cause harder labor, a higher probability of not progressing because the baby and your body just aren't ready. Sometimes the epidural is necessary to relax your body enough to do its job.

The second time around I have to wonder if fear played a factor. It's well known that in mammals the "fight or flight" instinct is very strong with birthing mothers. Any other mammal will only give birth if she feels safe. If there is any disturbance at all her labor will stop until she feels safe again. I believe it is the same with humans. Perhaps at first it was the excess fluid causing labor to stall and the pattern to be weird. Your midwife having to manually manipulate the baby could have put your body into "fight or flight" mode and caused further stalling. If you were in that mode then you were likely fighting the pain. The position you described of sitting on the toilet wiggling your feet says to me that you were tensing your body. Both of those can exacerbate the pain. The epidural again served to relax your body. Even though it didn't work perfectly. It's what you needed given the circumstances and you shouldn't feel guilty for it. One other thought, some women just have long labors. Sometimes women stall for hours and it's still perfectly normal. Often when labor is stalled it's because of the baby's position as well and the body is using those contractions to reposition the baby.

This is pure speculation and please don't feel I'm judging you, I'm hoping to just offer some insight and encouragement. Sometimes circumstances don't allow a woman to have a NCB. It doesn't mean they aren't capable of it or that something is wrong with their body.

My suggestion is to try and find someone to talk to about your experiences and the emotions surrounding them. Work through it. Then consider doing something more than just wanting a NCB. You say your nurse was trained in bradley and hypnobabies, but were you? Next time it might be beneficial to take classes (and I strongly suggest hypnobabies because in my view your setback is mindset) and have a doula who you spend some time with and feel completely comfortable and in tune with.

I don't think you should count yourself out. But definitely take some time to heal emotionally and when you feel ready, start doing some research to prepare for the next one.
Kellisa, Mama to:
Courtney, Nola, Kya, Whitney, and baby girl #5 coming soon!
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