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August 6th, 2011, 07:47 PM
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ashj_1218 ashj_1218 is offline
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Originally Posted by Kelllilee View Post
For most I think the fear fades. It's so hard when our bodies respond a certain way and its not something you can control. Just remember that every birth is different and all you can really do is get yourself in a situation where you can find a safe quiet space to regain your body if something comes up again. That can be a person, a place, a song, anything really that is calming to you.

Pushing with an epidural is much different then pushing without one. Now, personally, I have not had an epidural so I can't speak from experience, but here's what I do know: With an epidural you are generally on your back, which is one of the least effective positions for pushing. It makes pushing harder on you and on the baby, can make your pelvis narrower, and generally takes longer. Directed pushing (where they are counting and you are forcing your body to push) also leads to stress, additional pain, and a harder/longer pushing phase. Many, if not most moms having an unmedicated pushing phase will push instinctively and WITH their bodies. Your body takes over and pretty much heaves the baby out. Certainly that doesn't happen with every natural birth, but frequently.

^^That is exactly where I went wrong and why I am dealing with fears around pushing this time. I was not given time to let my body decide when to push and was in the "epidural" position with a nurse screaming at me to hold my breath and push for 15 seconds (and I couldn't breathe). So I can say that I bet your pushing stage was just as painful as a non-medicated mother because of your positioning and the fact that your epidural was not working properly. It might have even hurt WORSE than a NCB pushing stage. Given you were probably fighting your body, like I was. My plan is to do it 200% different this time around. And try not to be scared to let me body do it's job. Instead of listening to someone who has no clue what my body needs.

Depending on when you plan to have your next child (not sure if that is in the works and that is why you are dealing with these thoughts) could have time to heal some of those wounds and also maybe look into some different coping skills during labor. Maybe the techniques you focused on were pain-coping for contractions...where you really need coping for the fears around something going wrong in labor (KWIM?) Or coping for when/if you need an intervention and not feeling discouraged at that point. I think that different people absolutely need different kinds of support in labor. Some women need less "in your face support" (like a previous poster mentioned was her saving grace) and some women need more "physical support." So maybe look at these labors as trials for figuring out what you need for future labors. It would be really sad if you let these experiences prevent you from having another child if you and your SO want one.
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