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October 3rd, 2011, 08:03 AM
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justjaQ justjaQ is offline
Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sterling Heights, MI
Posts: 19,640
kind of long, ladies-- if you want to get right to the accident, scroll to the stars: *************************

so i just spent fifteen minutes typing about this and nick unplugged my laptop. i'm about in tears, but i'll try and start over with the most important parts. he's so hectic and rambunctious now, idk WHAT i'll do with him when he's older, or how i will keep him from abusing the baby, and make time for all four kids. so stressed.

okay, so my best friend steve and i have been planning to go up north and visit our other best friend, my my father-to-be for Baby Gaga, for three weeks. i had to jump through hoops to get a baby-sitter; mom said she would, but she has outpatient surgery on her legs each thurday, and they hit an artery this time, so she's been totally laid up. i was so hesitant to ask my dad, because i've known steve 12 years, and my dad used to date stevie's step-aunt, and long story short, my dad blames steve for anything I do, as if i have no personality. everyone makes mistakes. so i had to talk with dad and explain that steve is not me, and anything i've ever done that my dad doesn't agree with, is/was MY choice/fault. i was sooo surprised when he agreed to watch my kids for me. i was kind of almost in tears when i asked him... and he said yes. the last thing he told steve was, "take good care of my daughter." oh, sigh...
so we make the hour and a half drive up past flint, to brand's.. boy it was convenient when he lived in detroit. i was there in 45 minutes, and TMI but i'd drive a thousand miles to be with someone THAT goo,d if you know what i mean. as heart says, he's a magic man. and brand is more comfortable, even though we're both single, if i'm not meeting any guys while i'm carrying his baby. that's understandable, i suppose-- in a guy's mind, there's his little baby's head, and... yeah.
i was really tired, and slept a bit while we were there, which bums me out so bad. i fell asleep in B's lap twice throughout the day/night. but it was just nice to see him, hug and hold him. no PDA with his 90-year-old grandma right there. she was kind enough to invite us in (brandon takes care of her fulltime, since she broke her leg in january). but again, perhaps , we did get to have thank-heavens-we're-okay-and-alive sex that night... 3.5 months, since i hadn't seen him since my birthday in june. his grandma went off on me that day because i was wearing a tank top-- er, it was june, and i have heat intolerance. ahhh, different generations. so she was very sweet and kind this time.
anyway, we decided to get pizza for dinner, and went out to pick it up.

************************************************** ***
steve was driving his brand new car, with me behind him and brandon next to me in the backseat (i asked him to sit in the back to cuddle with me, and i'm so thankful, because he could have been seriously injured or worse-- that's where all the damage was, and the windshield was caved in, etc.). thank god nobody was in the front passenget seat, because that's where the massive damage happened. brand and i were bickering playfully about who-knows-what, and steve turned for a split-second to tell us to be quiet. then a little girl ran into the road. it was already dark, and steve swerved off the left side of the road, took out a telephone pole like it was a twig, and since it's so muddy, the car wouldn't stop until he wrapped it around a tree. the family whose home it was was outside. i remember watching the whole thing totally helplessly, but i do know that injuries aren't as bad if your body isn't tensed up-- probably why i wasn't injured last time (i go my entire life terrified of car accidents, and never get into one, and them boom, two within 6 months).
the car is totaled, the front bumper completely fell off when it was towed away. a few cops showed up, gave steve a breathalyzer, which we passed of course. the windshield was completely caved in on the right side, and the air bags went off. i cut my mouth in several places, and was all bloody, but other than that, i have a few scraped on my arm, and the boys were okay.
we were stranded in clio, middle of noooowhere, until 1 am though, when we finally got a ride home from the lady who rent's steve's house.
we were only going about 30mph, but with my seat beat, it's like i got punched in the stomach at 30mph. and i thought i felt some fluttering last night; not sure... but since then, nothing. i am absolutely panicking, and i do not have a car to go to the ER, nor do i have insurance, so i can't even go to the hospital until my step-dad gets off work this evening. i am so freaked out. i felt okay after the accident, and it just didn't occur to me to go to a hospital at the time. the police officer asked if i wanted medical attention for my bleeding mouth, but i couldn't even feel it, so i said no. i wouldn't have even known it was cut, had the guys not mentioned it.
anyway, please please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. i am so scared, so so scared. i can't lose this baby, i want it more than anything, and last night steve said he would kill himself if he's have hit the kid. well, i hate to think what he might do if it turns out his accident harmed or killed my child. i can't stop crying, girls, i am so scared. and there's nothing i can do. even if i go to the hospital, if something happened to the baby, they can't do anything for me. and i'm only 22 weeks, so the baby isn't even viable. please god, take care of my baby. i don't know what else to do but cry. i've been drinking OJ and eating cookies, but still nothing. why won't s/he move??!
what do you guys think? so you think a simple seat belt and abrupt "stop" is enough to hurt the baby? i never thought this would happen, and i don't know what to do with myself. i want this child so, soooo badly, and this hurts so much to think i might not get it now...
thanks for listening. i will update when i get home from the hospital this evening-ish, or if i start feeling some good movements. i'm so scared... please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

here's a picture of the front of the car-- it was pretty dark, but you can still make it out somewhat, if you look at it from the right angle:

and, thank GOD, the baby has FINALLY started kicking a little bit, in the past fifteen minutes or so. very gently though. my aunt is going to take me to the hospital within the next hour or two. i'm sure i'll be able to hear the heartbeat but hopefully they'll do an ultrasound too, that would really make me feel better, plus who knows, maybe that cord has moved and i'll have a gender announcement. thank you for all of your kind words-- i haven't read the last few yet; will do that right now. love to you all.

1:20- baby is kicking around like normal, but as i said, i'm still definitely going to the hospital. i want to see a normal heartbeat, and hopefully, a healthy child on a screen. you guys will be soe of the first to know, after i get home. xo
msjaQ- 28, pantheist AP detroit mama to:
timothy michael, august 31, 2003, 12:02pm, 8 lb. 4 oz., 21"- 38 wks.
melissa may, april 7, 2006, 1:31pm, 7 lb. 10.5 oz., 19.5"- 36.5 wks
nicholas michael, january 31, 2010, 5:12pm, 5 lb. 11 oz., 18.25"- 37.1 wks
damon michael, january 21, 2012, 1:31am, 6 lb. 14 oz., 20", 38 wks
rainbow baby left me at 6-1/2 weeks on 09.08.12~ never forgotten, sweet child

Last edited by justjaQ; October 3rd, 2011 at 11:18 AM.
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