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December 9th, 2011, 06:52 AM
~Laurie~ ~Laurie~ is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I am so sorry for your loss. I haven't been around much lately, but my name is Laurie and my daughter was born still in June 2008 at 24 weeks gestation and my son was born still in August 2009 at 25 weeks gestation.
I think we've all struggled with the questions and answers that you've mentioned, and for me it depends on who I'm talking to and my mood. It's terrible to say, but when I've been at my lowest I don't care if I 'depress' someone else with my truth. In those moments, I think that their momentary discomfort is insignificant against my endless pain and grief. Pretty nasty, I know, but in those moments I just give them the truth. "My baby was stillborn" or "I have two living and two that were stillborn". Those angry moments happen less lately, but I got tired of struggling to answer questions in a way that was most agreeable to others when I had more than enough on my plate by just getting through the day.
Now, when I'm not hurting so much, if it is some passing stranger that isn't going to be involved in my life long term, I usually say that I have a son that is 7 years old and a daughter that is 4 months old. It is a lie by omission, I suppose, but I look at it as answering the question of 'have'. I don't 'have' Eva and Declan with me, which is what tears my heart apart. If it is someone that is going to be around for some time, then I just tell them the facts. It is easier on me because it is less emotional for me, and it is easier on them because they aren't getting the 'story' up front. I just say that I have two living and two that were stillborn. It is up to them whether they want to ask more questions.
The secret society thing is bang on. It is the saddest club with the worst possible initiation. I'm sorry you had to join us, but this group of ladies are incredible and have helped me more than words can express.

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