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January 11th, 2012, 05:45 AM
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beck12 beck12 is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Do older kids or adult grown children have any right to know why their parent's split? I don't mean legal rights fo course, I just mean moral/ethical rights?

I don't know what I think. I tend to think they do have some right. I also know there could be things you would never want your kids to know. I think it can be very unkind though to give a child no reason or one that doens't really answer "Why" - since divorce is often very upsetting to kids, even teens, especially if no reason is given other than mom & dad don't want to be married to each other anymore. I can't imagine how I would have reacted if that happened in my teen years & my parent swouldn't tell me "why".

What got me thinking about this was a show I watched where the parents split & no one would tell the teen son why. I really felt for him as *I* would want to know too & feel I had a RIGHT to now since it obviously effects the kids deeply. Heck, even now, if my parents split I would want to know why. I don't know that I would feel as entitled to a reason today though as I would have if I had to live in the home while they went through the divorce. Honestly too - I think many of us with parents still married might have a good guess as to "why" now that we are grown & we have a better understanding of our parent's marital issues. I don't think my parents will ever split, but I am not sure I would ask "why" if they did now that I think about it.

I guess for me I think a teen should be told why other than in rare exceptions. Even then, they should be told as much as possible & given SOME explanation. I think it is almost cruel to have a child have to live with the aftermath of parents splitting without even having a clue as to what happened or why it is going on. Smaller children of course are different. You'd have to take that more on a case by case basis taking into account their age & how much info they can process & understand & their maturity level. Some kids could handle some info at 10 that others could not at age 12.
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
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