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August 17th, 2006, 10:09 PM
mariahinkona mariahinkona is offline
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kona, Hawaii
Posts: 282
Hi, my name's Mariah.

I miscarried this past October. I was 7 weeks and 3 days. I've been wanting a baby for so long and was thrilled when I got the positive results. I worked maternity and would hold the newborns and think that soon I would be holding my own. I started off feeling quesy and tired, but soon started feeling almost too good to be pregnant. I was having dreams about miscarrying the baby and was always telling my fiancee that I was so scared of losing the baby. I look back and think that before I even started spotting I felt very ill at ease with the pregnancy. My fiancee would get mad at me for thinking the worst, and even got angry at me when I called him to pick me up at work after an hour because I was spotting. The OBs at work said it was normal, but my heart said differently. The bleeding got worse that night, it was Monday. I took my fiancee to work his night shift and bawled all the way to the ER. I knew everyone there, I used to work there too, and the doctor found a heartbeat and sent me home with the only picture of the baby I'll ever have. I went to bed feeling better about seeing the heartbeat on the screen.

The next morning I got up to pick my SO from work and the spotting was worse, so I made an appointment. The nurse took one look inside with the speculum and sent me into a different room. Again a heartbeat, but I was told I was in the grey area. All I had was a back ache, I thought was due from my tension. Back at home, my SO was sleeping since he had to work graveyard again and my back was killing me. It hurt so bad I was crying. Then I felt like I had to poop. I kept trying to go, thinking that if I did I would feel better since it must just be constipation. But only clots and thick streams of blood came out. Finally I decided to take a bath and soak away my tension ache in my back. That's when the cramps in my stomach started. All I could do was roll around in the tub, I hurt too much to get up to get my fiancee or roomate and hurt too much to yell for help. The feeling of having to poop got so bad and I was so scared because the clots were getting so big. Finally I passed a lump of grey tissue. The pressure and the worst of the pain eased. I sat there till the water got cold holding my baby, knowing exactly what it was since I'd seen them before at work. Finally I got up and woke my fiancee up saying something came out of me. He came and looked at it and called my best friend, a nurse and confirmed it while I cried in the tub.

For days I felt so lost and mad at everyone. My roommate found out she was pregnant the next day and then tried to abort it with a wild mixture of pills and dope two weeks later. But she kept it. We moved out the next day. I still detest her for it. Why did she get to keep her baby when I loved mine, wanted it but lost it?

Well, good news now. I'm 8 1/2 weeks now. I'm having symptoms I didn't have before. I'm feeling good about this pregnancy, though I'm still nervous. I passed the time I lost the first baby. I was due June 3 with the first, got preggers about a week after my bday June 25 and a week before the daddy's. So it's our birthday present, can't lose this one! This doctor I have now is understanding and compassionte, I've already had two scans. Both good. I pray for all of you that are pregnant after a loss or that just went through one.

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