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April 20th, 2012, 01:39 PM
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TnPhotoMama81 TnPhotoMama81 is offline
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Location: Oneida, TN
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Well my cervix still isn't doing anything (surprise surprise) so looks like I am headed straight for super happy fun time c-section land. LOL but sooooo not lol.

I don't understand why my body won't cooperate...I feel like I have tried everything under the sun to have a different experience than I did with Ethan. I am not looking forward to being cut open and not being able to do anything for myself again...and most likely have breastfeeding complications like last time as well.

Anyway...I have another appointment on Monday (the day before I am 41 weeks) to see where my cervix is at. At this point though I am only a fingertip dilated (been that way for weeks now) and I have to be atleast a centimeter or so for them to induce me via a foley bulb. I think I was between 1-2 cm when they used it on me with our son. There just isn't a lot of options when it comes to inducing a vbac patient - which I totally understand.

So the plan is to see where I am at, hopefully be able to do a foley bulb at the very least. If I am not dilated anymore though I will probably go ahead and opt for the c-section Tuesday morning. That way I have a full 24 hours to be off the blood thinning injections that I have to do.

I would much rather opt for a csection right off than have to do one after laboring for x amount of hours. I was so exhausted after my csection with our son...I don't really even remember that first night with him because I was so out of it.

Ultimately, I am hoping I go into labor on my own over the weekend I just don't see much hope for that happening. I plan on sitting on my birth ball all weekend though so MAYBE.

One positive from my appointment is that I was having mini contractions on the nst which I have never seen before. From what the doctor said though it sounded like they only looked like BH but at least now I know exactly what a BH contraction feels like.

I feel very fortunate to have made it this far since having two losses and am so thankful to have a doctor that has tried to do what she can to help us. It is just frustrating to not get the birth experience that I want and having slim options as well. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't also hard to not be somewhat jealous of those who are getting their VBAC's or vaginal births in general. I hate to even admit that because I am definitely happy for those who don't have to experience a surgery. It just makes me feel "broken"...especially when I have been working still, out in the yard doing work, painting the house, etc hoping it would help!

So yeah...that is my update. She should be here Tuesday at the latest which definitely is exciting but I hope and pray I get to enjoy it this time regardless of how she gets here

Thanks for listening! I promise I am not trying to be a debbie downer...and I really hate complaining...just feeling frustrated with it all right now.

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