Topic: Monday...
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May 25th, 2012, 01:52 AM
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LJD3Tdance LJD3Tdance is offline
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I have bad depression issues in pregnancy. Early in pregnancy I can cure them by napping or having a snack. At the end, that doesn't have any effect.

My throat hurts right now cuz I SCREAMED at dh earlier. He told Rock not to do something and I didn't appreciate the tone he had with Rock and I just went off on him.

Three times today I sobbed, and I don't just mean cried, I mean like HOURS later I can still feel the feeling around my eyes and eyelashes.

And right now? I'm totally fine. Like 100% fine. I feel happy and good. What on Earth? That doesn't happen.

So I went in today knowing we'd talk induction cuz today was my 39 week and that's when they talk about it. Sometimes it is just to say "So after 40 weeks you want to be induced at some point?" But sometimes they ask if you want to be induced. And I had already decided there was no reason to let myself go on feeling like this beyond my due date which is next Thursday.

However, it just so happens my midwife leaves for a while that day so she can't induce me Thursday. Which kinda sent me into a mental tailspin cuz that was the only option I was ready to say yes to, because I honestly don't believe I'll make it to my due date anyway.

When she said Monday, a mere 3 days earlier...I was all upset. I asked if she'd give me the number to call so I could cancel Sunday, and I have it. But I've calmed down now and I don't think I'm going to.

I was induced 9 days early with LJ, 3 days is nothing compared to 9. Amber sent me into labor 3 days before my due date, so I know my body can be ready by then.

I also know my cervix has changed in the past two days, I'm at the point where any more change would be labor. She did a membrane sweep (5th pregnancy, first time I've had that done) and I'm hopeful that I'll just not have to even make the decision and Terra will pick her own birthday...say Saturday is good for me? lol.

But 39 weeks 3 days, where I'll be Monday, is plenty. I know Terra's gunna be healthy by then, and my body is already ready in all other signs, so why go on tormenting myself and my family just because some other people don't believe in induction? *sigh*...I keep asking myself why it does bother me...and the fact does...but I think maybe that's just the apprehension I'd have with any kind of birth. The difference is with natural labor I won't have time to feel it cuz I'll just be like "I'm having a baby" whereas here I'm like "Well...Monday I'm having a baby" and now that leaves time to think about it still.

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