Topic: I feel lost.
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June 14th, 2012, 04:19 AM
dmbr29 dmbr29 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2
This isn't how I ever wanted my pregnancy to go. I have my family and a friend here to support me, but the father (my on-again-off-again husband) has left me yet again. I know I have people to reach out to, but it doesn't change the fact that this baby belongs to a man who I'm still in love with, despite everything he's ever put me through, and who doesn't want anything to do with me (this month, anyway). Don't misunderstand, I do want this baby. I want to have a happy pregnancy. I want this baby to have a fantastic life. But I don't know how any of that is possible sometimes. He's already moving on with his life, like I don't matter, like I never did. He won't speak to me or support me. And a week and a half ago, he was still cuddling me and talking to my belly and telling me he loved me. Even though I knew it was over last week, he still made it clear he was supportive of me and would be there for me through this. The hormones make all of these feelings worse. I know I could be in a much worse position. I know I'm lucky to have anyone at all who supports me. I'm living with my parents and they're really great about it, they know what I'm going through even though they don't see me upset. I know he doesn't deserve my time, that he has his own problems and I shouldn't have to go through any of this. But none of that makes it any easier. By nature, I'm already just a really emotionally needy person, and this pregnancy has made it a thousand times worse. I had depression before, but this isn't really that. I just feel so lost. Everyone warned me not to go back to him the last time. But I love him so much, and despite his faults and his possible mental illness, I know there's a good man in there.

I just really needed to get all of this out, I guess. Out in the world where someone else might read it and relate to it, even if I never know of that person or their experience. Thank you for listening.
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