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June 30th, 2012, 09:51 AM
shen7 shen7 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
I got it on Kindle and got 29% of the way through during M's mega nap yesterday! So far I agree with it and find it very interesting. I wish he had mixed up his "do this" parts with the "don't do this" parts. It is getting old to plow through all the dismal stuff about how time out and praise and rewards and stuff are totally screwing up your kid I would like some "but this is a good alternative!" stuff. I will try to be patient but TBH I am starting to skim because I feel like I "get" the whole coercion-is-conditional love concept and am ready to move on.

I spoke with DH about what I've read so far and he seemed pretty on board. His parents were an interesting mix of conservative/heavy guidance and extremely loving gentleness. He and his siblings turned out great and love their parents so much. I think the trick is to have strict rules and guidelines and expectations but never seem like your love/approval depends on meeting them... keep a loving tone even when correcting. It worked with those kids but I think they are genetically more obedient and compliant, my side has a long history of contrary, stubborn, anti authoritarian fighters and M *clearly* has that... so I think I will have to work really hard to remain non coercive and pick my battles with her and not expect her to fall in line as easily as DH's family did. I will have to give up any fantasy of controlling her much at all!!... I really hope the later parts of the book talk about what that looks like, especially in the toddler years...

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