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July 13th, 2012, 08:23 AM
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Jule'sMomInOR Jule'sMomInOR is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by shen7 View Post
Yeah, it's a no-win. Either you do the unconditional thing and get stern looks and head shaking from the disciplinarian types, or you overly control the kid and get raised eyebrows and concerned faces from the liberal parents, right?

Confession: I've been reading the Alison Gopnik book I mentioned on the book list thread and it might be the best book I have read in years. For me anyway. The ideas in there are merging with the UP ones in my mind so I might not be keeping them straight anymore pretty soon.
Oh, that's awesome. I think one of the new "rules" of the book club was that we would make sure one of us has read it, or at least has an AP friend who has read it, so that we can make sure not to get any more duds like the Discipline Book. Can you give a short overview? It's ok if you want to wait until you're further along. I think I'll post a thread later so we can vote on the next pick. There are only 2 or 3 including that one that qualify based on the criteria, so if it's not the next pick it will most likely be the one after.

Ok, my next question about Unconditional Parenting is what would Alphie say to his kids when they brought home a perfect report card? Would it be (like his example with the snowflake) "How do you think you did?" I'm guessing so. And that is certainly valuable, but can't I ever say "You've worked very hard and I'm proud of you??" Maybe after asking how they did? I mean, I was a straight-A student and sometimes it seemed like I didn't actually work that hard (like until 7th or 8th grade), so maybe that would have brought about meaningful discussions about how I needed to be in more challenging classes. I do remember thinking school was easy/unchallenging.

Which brings me to his point about grades being unmotivating. I think the good students that can get A's will stop trying once they've done enough for an A because that's as high as a grade as they can get. I do remember being quite motivated by competition, though. Anyway, I am interested in finding a school for Juliana where they don't give grades until 8th grade or so, just because it's unavoidable in college and I think they should be phased in eventually.
Mariah, AP Mommy to Juliana

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