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November 28th, 2012, 04:45 PM
futurehope futurehope is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 18
I will try to keep this as short as possible.
I have had depression ever since I was a child. Did not see therapist or doctor until 15.
I have been on so many different meds I forget all the names.

More rescently- I got divorced last year and "cameout" that I am gay.

I have been with my current partner for almost a year and we moved in together this fall.
I moved to her place which was an hour drive from my work. I was hating the drive and found another job in her town. For stupid reasons I was fired from that job. So here I am new to town, no job, appealing a denial from Unemployment, so I have no money. I am trying to cash out a 104K from my old job to get some money. I am also thinking of going back to college since my job was pretty limitted in advancement and paid low anyways. I worked in the medical filed, not a nurse.

I have been out of work for a month and riding the unemployment rollercoster. I have a denial appeals hearing next week.

Before the divorce I was depressed and unhappy but at least I was financially stable.
I thry not to be materialistic but I feel so scared not having money and having bills to pay.
I try talking to my partner but her mom was rescently diagnosed with cancer so she has her own stressers right now.
I can't see my doctor or councilor since I have no insurence. My mom is helping me pay for my meds, so I am at least able to continue those.

I am just so overwhelmed and sad and stressed. I have panic attacks frequently and take Ativan to controle them.
Other than one time when I was completely off meds, this is the lowest I have felt ever.
I have never thaught about hurting myself or suicide, until rescently. I would never actuallly commit suicide. My step brother committed suicide 6 years ago and I could never do that to my family.

But I get so down and negative and feeling trapped that I just want to curl up and sleep and not wake up.

I think I just needed a place to vent and to know that other people go through this too.
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