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January 16th, 2013, 08:32 PM
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smsturner smsturner is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Upstate, NY
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Hi Shannon.
I'm so sorry about all you are going through.
The FIRST thing I will say, is to STOP being so very hard on yourself. You had your reasons for your choices when you were younger and that is the past.

Also, if you keep resenting and blaming yourself for not giving your husband a baby it will terribly hurt your relationship. I only know because it almost destroyed my marriage. I'm hoping that your husband isn't blaming you. It's VERY important when you are dealing with infertility that is one partner's problem (and it sounds like you don't even know that it's you!) that you both approach it as a joint problem. Not as one person's.

It sounds like you could really benefit from some counseling or a therapist. Infertility is an emotionally stressful, very hard to deal with, medical condition. Most people along the road find a place where they need some help and support to get through, and there is nothing wrong with it. The fact that you are feeling like it drains the happiness out of everything, screams to me that you really need this. Please do it. It WILL help you. I not only do counseling, I am on an antidepressant to help me deal with anxiety and depression (I'm not saying anyone else would need it, I have a depressive disorder that has lived with me since I was a teen), and I think without these, I would not have made it through the last few years.

I'm surprised that your ob/gyn hasn't wanted to do any testing at all now that it's been a year. That is the normal amount of time where you would get some testing done and start to see about things that could be wrong. Have you told your dr frankly how you feel and told them you want testing to be done?
An ob can do a bunch of tests for you, like blood testing, an hsg, and they can also usually order a semen analysis for hubby too. Just to check on everything. It would be better to know sooner than later if you do have an issue.
If your dr refuses, honestly, I would see another for a second opinion.

Do you chart and have normal cycles? Or have you been just kind of timing as best you can?

Big hugs and good luck!
I hope you'll keep hanging around for the support AND to keep us updated.

I hope you get pregnant so so fast that you don't even have time to ask for tests!!!
Susan, dh Tom, dd Megan (15), ds Marcus (13), Our together miracle, baby Dean, 17 months

Crazy enough to try all over again for a second together baby! Hoping for a much less wild ride this time!

TTC with PCOS for 5 very long years. Annovulatory cycles. Multiple doctors. Different meds. One horrible loss. And then one wonderful success, born 2/18/14.

I never knew until that moment how badly it could hurt to lose something you never really had. - Missed Miscarriage at 10 weeks - 3/26/13

Last edited by smsturner; January 16th, 2013 at 08:41 PM.
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