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January 17th, 2013, 03:04 PM
Elevin26's Avatar
Elevin26 Elevin26 is offline
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 980
Hi there, first time posting over here. Been reading through the posts and just wanted to ask a question or more so vent to see if I am normal?

I had my beautiful baby boy via emergency c-section Nov. 26 and love him to pieces. Cannot imagine life without him. I went into labor naturally with him and my water even broke on its own about 6 hours after labor started. The problem was that I was not dilating and after 12 hours was only 4 cm and then after laboring for 18 hours his heart rate started to drop and decided to do a section at 9:30 pm and he was born at 9:55 pm so pretty rushed, scary experience. Anywho I love my son very much it's just I can't get over the fact that I feel my body failed me. I am obsessed with watching shows about vaginal births and getting that urge to push and bring him into the world and bond and feel amazing and yeah I dunno. I have this bond with him, but it almost feels like I didn't birth him or he doesn't belong to me because I didn't "deliver" him. I have talked with my OB and he says there is nothing I did wrong or could have done to prevent it and even says the way he did my surgery I can definitely do a VBAC next time if I want. I just dunno, is it normal to feel this way? Like a failure as a woman because I couldn't do it. I know there is a grief section on this board, but it didn't seem very active and just wanted any kind of feedback. I know I am still dealing with PPD as well and feel that is playing into these thoughts also. Just looking for some reassurance that I am not crazy for feeling this way I guess and if I am crazy then I need to know so I can call the OB again lol.
Mama to Emmett James (11/26/12)
and Owen Jack (7/2/15)

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