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February 15th, 2013, 09:06 AM
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mom2more mom2more is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Originally Posted by Ember Rose View Post
I personally would rather be in control of a situation than on the defensive. Be proactive and you take away people's chances and opportunity to go on the offensive.

Then again, you could quit acting like you want them to have a relationship with her family, tell them it's too little too late and just cut off communication. You and your husband are resentful of their lack of involvement up to this point and that's natural in this case. They haven't been there and it's hurt the kids and you've had to deal with that. Own it and cut off contact since they're not responding how you want them to. It's honest and I think everyone involved would appreciate the absence of passive aggressiveness from the relationship. Coming from the other side (one of the children is stuck with someone who doesn't really want him to have a relationship with anyone) it's's annoying. You know how someone really feels but they're saying something different out of their mouth and it's like...can't we just be honest? You don't like me and you don't want me here.
WOW! Its been obvious you dislike my situation, probably because your hubby's child was given to a grandparent over him. But your situation is different than mine. I understand that the grandparent in your case is making communication difficult for you.

We have not done anything to make communication between my step kids and their bm difficult for her. We have always tried to initiate it. She chose to have almost nothing to do with her kids. Its her mother that now wants to control everything and we are annoyed with the rudeness she is showing us. We are not being passive aggressive! We make our feelings known. We made it known that buying sd a dress wasn't realistic without her being there to try it on. We suggested gift cards instead. They didn't listen and did what they wanted and then got aggravated when it didn't work out for them. When Christmas came around and they wanted to buy the kids gifts we had the kids make wish lists for them of things they wanted.

They have ways to contact the kids and always have. They can reach the kids on sd's cell phone all weekend long. During the week they can reach her after school hours all the way till bedtime. They have our house phone # as well as my cell and dh's cell.

When bm decided on a whim to see the kids recently we let her. It made ss miss a game he was supposed to play in, but we didn't use that as an excuse to not let her see the kids. Instead of using the time she showed up hours late without the decency to call and let us know she was running late...she didn't answer her phone when sd tried calling her an hour after she was supposed to be here. So ss missed his game for no reason but to sit and wait for bm. When she did pick the kids up they were such a priority that she took them to a hotel room and let them sit on the floor and watch tv while she slept. She didn't even feed them dinner, and she had them from about 4pm til 9pm.

We are not rude to her. We do state our feelings about how she has treated the kids. We have told her and her mother how much she hurts the kids and lets them down. But we are still polite to bm. Thats not being passive aggressive, thats just being decent. And we have told bm and her mother that we are done trying to help her form a relationship with the kids because they always get hurt. We told her and her mother a while back that its all on her. We are not going out of our way to help her. We are not going to make it easy for her to walk back into their lives because chances are she is going to walk right back out when she moves from her parents home. Thats what she has done more times than I can count. I don't think we should give her the benefit of the doubt at the children's expense. Our top priority is the children. And being hurt by their mother again just in case she has decided she really wants to be in their lives is not in their best interest. Even a child psychologist we have been seeing told us that.

So I am not sure what you mean about us not being honest. We have been nothing but honest.

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